Abandoned Again
by Cookie.pirate.face
Summary: Edward leaves again, but this time Alice goes with him. I know, I'm bad at summaries x.x. First fanfic, so don't kill me. R
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight. Or its characters. Or the money it makes. -Cries in a corner-**

BPOV:

I sighed.

Lying next to me was my Edward, my stunning, god-like Edward. I didn't deserve him, not at all. He was so _dazzling_, so interesting, and I had to be the plainest person to walk this earth.

But for some inexplicable reason, he wanted me, loved me.

Of course, being gifted with superb senses as he was (one of the many perks of vampirism), Edward heard my sigh.

And asked "What's wrong, Bella? You seem…deep in thought."

I smiled shyly as I replied. "I'm just thinking. About how lucky I am."

He chuckled. "Well, you're clearly lucky. Your number's been up since you arrived in Forks, yet here you are, still breathing, heart still beating."

He put his head to my chest, to demonstrate my beating heart and working lungs, and my heart began to race erratically, my face flushing red. I could never get over his beauty.

He continued. "But what in particular makes you consider your good fortune?"

I felt embarrassed as I replied, always reluctant to admit the extent of my love for Edward. "It's because of you. You being here, with me. Loving me."

Edward's eyes darkened slightly at my answer, though it happened so fleetingly that I was sure I had imagined it.

"Don't ever think you're unworthy, Bella. If anything, you're too good for me," his voice was rough as he responded, no longer velvety smooth.

He pulled me closer to him and kissed me, showing none of the usual caution he possessed. I wasn't going to complain though. All I wanted was for us to be closer.

In the heat of the moment, I didn't realize that the kiss was the same as the one he gave me the time that he left, the time that he shattered my existence.

**A/N: What do you think? Review, and the universe'll love you.**

**And this looked a lot longer when I first typed it out, haha.  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Don't own twilight or anything that goes with it. Obviously.**

**EPOV:  
**

I can't take it anymore. She's so kind, so trusting.

_I can't bear it.  
_

I could tell she was deep in thought; I didn't need my power (which didn't work on Bella anyway) to know this.

You could tell by the crease between her brows, by the faraway look in her eyes.

I asked why, though when I heard it was because of me, because she loved me, I almost wish I hadn't.

She felt undeserving of my love? Well, I suppose if she found out what was happening between Alice and me, whatever that is (I wasn't even sure),

the feeling would be justified. But she couldn't know, could she?

I can't bear it. I've got to tell her, but how…?

The guilt was eating me alive. Not only had I betrayed Bella, the girl who had taken me away from a century's loneliness, but I had let down Jasper as well.

Jasper, my brother, the one who'd had the hardest life out of any one of us.

_I can't bear it._

I mean, I'd always known that Alice and I had a strong bond. Everyone knew that. We were in the same boat, having the powers that we did.

We had almost completely opposite personalities, but they always said that opposites attract, and we were no exception. We'd had a powerful bond to begin with,

always in sync with one another, but then we took it further, and…it was amazing. To not have to be careful, to not watch out for delicate, delicate Bella.

All these pained thoughts had taken course over a split second, and any change in emotion should have been imperceptible to the human eye.

_I can't bear it._

I kissed Bella fiercely, trying to convince her that I loved her, and myself that everything would be fine. She seemed surprised that I had thrown caution to the wind,

especially after the all those times I had told her we couldn't, I couldn't. But she didn't seem to care, she threw herself into the kiss as passionately as she could,

her warm lips meeting my glass ones.

I can't bear it, knowing that my kissing Bella now was going to make it all the harder when we left.

Alice and I would have to leave. We couldn't stay, not with the way we felt about each other. Bella and Jasper would probably never want to see us again anyway,

after they learned what we had done.

I pondered this after we had broken the kiss, and into the early morning hours while Bella finally fell asleep.

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**A/N: Review, and you'll be able to fly! No kidding. And the third chapters on the way.**

**Oh, and it's rated M because I've got no idea what's gonna happen later. Basically, I'm paranoid.**

**I suck at writing lemons though, so if you reeally want one I could either try, or have a lemon writing comptetion, lol.**

**Lemme know.  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **

**Me: I own twilight. YAY!**

S. Meyers: No you don't.

Me: Gimme.

S. Meyers: No.

Me: Awww.

Well, there you go. I don't own it.

**  
APOV:**

We had done something awful. I'd done something awful.

Of course, I had seen it coming, tried a hundred ways to change the outcome of my vision, but no matter what it stayed the same.

Maybe I'd wanted that, though. I think there had always been something more between me and Edward, something more than friendship.

And no matter how much I tried to keep the ugly thought from myself…in comparison to Edward, Jasper just wasn't as good. He wasn't as fiercely protective of me

as Edward was of Bella (and me). I knew his protectiveness annoyed Bella, but I found it sweet. And then there was Jasper's past. I mean, I knew he couldn't help it,

but every time I thought of what he'd done…all those people. I shuddered. Sure, Edward had his "rebellious stage", as he called it, but he had done it for the greater good.

Jasper was just…ugh. I didn't want to have to think about this.

I had been "hunting" for days now. I hadn't been hungry when I left, but I needed to get away from Jasper. He could sense my emotions, and I knew he'd feel the whirlwind I was feeling.

I knew he'd know what was going through my head. So I was out here, trying to get it together.

I was pretty sure Edward and I were going to leave. There was no denying our love anymore.

I could only imagine how Bella and Jasper would react. I hadn't had any visions.

But they'd get better.

Jasper was a soldier. He was strong.

And Bella is a human. Time heals everything for her kind.

I need to go shopping.

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**A/N: Review. OR ELSE. -Evil laugh here-**

Anyway, I'm not uploading anymore tonight. Three short chapters in one day is enough. xD

Reviews will help me write faster though. (hint, hint).


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight. But neither do you :p**

**JPOV**

Panic. Guilt. Happiness. Excitement. Guilt. Panic. Disgust. Guilt. Excitement. Panic. Panic.

Something was definitely wrong with Alice. I had no way of knowing what exactly; she had run off almost a week ago, mumbling something about "really needing to hunt" before she left.

But we weren't that stupid. I wasn't that stupid. Something was wrong.

What could possibly be so bad that she couldn't tell any of the family?

I had asked Edward to read her mind; as annoying as his talent could be, it was unquestionably useful at times like these. I would've considered it an appalling invasion of privacy

at any other time, but Alice could have been hurt. What if Victoria decided she wanted to hurt the people Bella cared about again? Starting with her best friend would be the way to go.

And what about the Volturi? They might have decided they would take Alice at all costs. But then Edward said he hadn't been able to hear anything.

Bullshit.

I knew he would be able to hear her from here. He could read people he was close to whether they were tens, hundreds or thousands of miles away. And he was as close to Alice as I was.

They were the closest siblings I knew. So there was no way he "couldn't hear anything". Not if she were still alive. The mere thought of her hurt, dead, broken…it sent shivers down my spine.

But I could feel her. She was panicked, almost terrified, and guilt was eating her alive. But she was alive. So what did that mean, if Edward wasn't telling me what she was thinking?

Was she planning on becoming a traveling psychic? I couldn't think of anything else that she'd have a problem telling the family.

Of course, it seemed we had drifted lately. She was always distracted, and I had begun to pick up bits and pieces of what she was feeling now, though never in this intensity. We had stopped

spending as much time together. Before, we had been almost inseparable (I never did like going with her on shopping expeditions).

Maybe she had left so she could feel, without worrying about how it would affect me. But why would she leave?

I decided though.

No matter what, I would be understanding when she returned.

I always tried to give her as much freedom as possible; she's a free spirit and doesn't need me constraining her. I would always protect her, I would give my life for her.

I just wanted her to come back.

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**A/N: This'll probably be the last of the really short chapters. They're just musings, and how each character interperts what's going on.**

**THANKK YOUU for the reviews. I feel loved :]**

**See? I did a JPOV chappie.**

**and Dragonsdeathangel, I agree. Something about Edward's just creepy. Maybe I WILL throw him in a trunk later in the story, haha.  
**

**Just as a warning, I've gotta do a Spanish project over the weekend. So I might not update till Sunday, or Monday. Sorry :/**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own. If I did, I'd use the revenue to buy cookies. Speaking of cookies, all you people who reviewed should've experienced a hail of cookies.  
I forgot to mention it last chapter.**

**EPOV:**

Alice finally came back. I could hear her now, making her way through the forest. She'd told me before she left not to tell anyone what she was thinking; to say there was a block.

I obeyed, though it made Jasper suspicious (_There's no way he can't read her mind!)_. But he soon controlled his thoughts. I wasn't certain as to the reason. Perhaps he didn't want me knowing he was suspicious.

Though I couldn't think of an explanation for _that._

Oh well. I had decided not to worry about Jasper. Not when I had to consider how I was going to break this to Bella.

And Alice would be here soon. Now I could tell her what I'm sure she dreaded to hear; we had to leave. We had to leave soon. There was no way we were going to subject anyone to our relationship.

And…more selfishly…I wouldn't have to see Bella's face everyday.

I couldn't bear that, seeing her devastated again. Again, because of me. Again, because I had broken a promise.

I couldn't bear that.

Alice was getting close to the house. In an instant, I decided I should wait, wait to tell her what we had to do. She should be allowed to be greeted as family one last time.

I had to stop thinking about this. Alice could see the future; she would know what I was planning. I didn't want that. _I _wanted to tell her. I didn't want her finding out first,

even if she couldn't help it. Maybe I _should _tell her now…no. I can't. I already decided that I'd wait. I can't hurt two people so badly.

I couldn't hear what she was thinking. Not what she was really thinking, anyway. Everything running through her head right now was inconsequential (_Ugh. My hair…_and

_that was a nice trip. Wonder if I'll go up there again anytime soon?_).

Why was she trying to hide from me? Sometimes I hated that I could only read the surface of anyone's mind.

I could understand about hiding her emotions from Jasper; it would obviously make things too rushed if he knew, and we didn't want to leave the family. But we had to.

Hmm...Maybe we _should_ stay. It would be terrible…but we'd still have Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett; they'd still talk to us. To my "parents", I was the prodigal son,

I could do no wrong. The same went for Alice. Emmett was so laid back; I doubted he'd care what happened. As long as he had Rosalie. And Rose…well…I didn't think she would give a

damn whether Bella was happy or not. She hated Bella.

And I knew that Bella would eventually forgive me. She always had.

I wasn't entirely sure about Jasper, but that wasn't my worry anymore.

Crap. I wasn't supposed to be thinking about this. What if Alice saw?

Just then, a light bulb went off in my head. Of course! Alice had already seen. I had been too careless, and now she had seen what I was planning. She'd be devastated. She wouldn't want me to hear her agony.

I think…even if we hadn't spoken about it…that we had originally planned to just keep going as we were, keep this a secret. Bella would never suspect anything of me. And Jasper….not my worry.

As much as I wanted to, as much as I kept going back on my original decision to leave, I knew we had to.

But I hadn't wanted Alice to see that. Hadn't wanted her to know my decision, and what pain it might cause. I had wanted to soften the blow.

Soften the blow…I also had to decide how to soften the blow to Bella.

Damn it. Damn it. I hadn't even begun to let that sink in.

Maybe…maybe I should go to Alice now, and tell her that we had to leave. It would just be another secret to keep, another weight on our already backbreaking burden.

If she knew, we'd be free to think, to think until we decided how to tell everyone. Or how to run away without a family of vampires hearing us.

I got up, jumped out the window.

I ran.

I ran faster than I had before. I _had_ to get to her before she got here. And I had to make sure we were out of earshot from the rest of the household.

**APOV:**

I had expected to relax on that trip. And I had begun to, just a bit. I had decided to call it a day (well, week) and head back home. To leave home.

Then the vision had come.

It was a little blurry, and the movement was jerky. That wasn't unusual. I had learned to make out the people and objects in them with extreme clarity over time. Having vampire-strong senses didn't hurt.

Bella was there, sobbing, clutching at her chest. In between her sobs and heavy breaths, I could make out bits of words. It sounded like she was saying "Edward…you….Alice…why?!...Edward…"

Then it faded out.

I had hoped that was all. What was worse than betraying someone who was supposed to be your best friend? Though now…I almost hated her. If Edward found out how much it would hurt Bella,

would he leave again? He might not. Then where would I be? I couldn't go back to Jasper. What if he found out?

But no. It wasn't all. Another vision came, and this one…this almost tore my heart out.

Jasper was sitting on the couch, his knees drawn up to his chest, his arms around them. But nothing about his movement was held there tightly. If it weren't for his face, he might've just been watching

the television or something. But he looked shocked. What was worse though…he looked empty. Like his soul (if a vampire had such a thing) had left him.

Then that vision dissolved too, and I was left staring straight ahead, stopped in the forest on that ironically sunny day.

Jasper…I hadn't remembered how he considered me his savior. How he felt that he'd still be a horrifying murderer without me.

I had to do this though. Regardless of what he felt for me, I didn't feel it for him. Not as much as I used to, anyway. I had to leave.

As I started my run once again, nearing Forks now, I kept my thoughts shallow. Thought about my hair. About how beautiful the hunting grounds I had left were.

I thought about anything but Bella's anguish, anything but Jasper's emptiness, anything but having to leave. He couldn't find out that I'd already decided, especially not after I knew how Bella would react.

But then I smelled him. But then I heard him. But then he was there.

Edward.

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**A/N: Woo! I managed to update today.**

**I'll start writing the next one tonight.  
**

**But I finished my spanish today, and now my head feels like something hit it really hard and ran away before I could kill it. .**

**So I'l update tomorrow.**

**Review, and you can enter the matrix. Or something.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Don't own twilight.**

**Oh well. **

**I can write fanfics and pretend I do. :D  
**

**APOV: **

Edward was behind me. Not being gifted with Jasper's talent of reading emotions, I didn't know if he was angry that I'd been gone so long, relieved that I was back, worried about whether I'd go back to Jasper…

the possibilities were endless. So I decided to face the music, whatever tune it played.

I turned around. Saw Edward's face. And almost cried.

He looked so _serious. _I didn't think I'd seen him with that face since he decided to leave Bella. And now it would be me he was leaving, choosing _her_ over me.

Damn.

I really hated Bella.

"…Edward?"

"Alice, we need to talk."

"Okay…"

"Look. We can't go on like this. I can't do this to Bella under her nose, and I'm sure you can't bear to do this to Jasper."

"Edward…"

"Let me finish. Please?"

I nodded.

"So…I'm really sorry to say this but…"

I couldn't take anymore. He had to hear my suggestion, had to realize it was possible to stay together.

_Edward. We can leave. Together. Just please, please don't go back on what we have. Please?_

I figured that thinking as hard as I possibly could would get the message across better. It seemed I was right, because Edward's face was displaying shock, confusion and...amusement? Why the hell was he amused?

"Alice! You want to leave too? I mean, you're really ready for this?"

I nodded again, trying to think of anything but my visions. He couldn't see them, not when he was ready to go.

He laughed. "I told you to let me finish."

Poking my tongue out at him, and laughing, I said "Yeah. Guess so."

Silly Alice. Jumping to conclusions.

Edward looked at me strangely. "What did you think I was going to say?"

Stupid mind reader. "That you were going to choose Bella."

"Is that why you left for a week? You were worried about _us?_

"Well, yeah. And…"

"And what?"

I played the visions. The two awful visions. This would be my downfall, I was sure. But I couldn't lie to Edward. I loved him.

Edward looked shocked, then confused. Then jubilant.

"You…love me?"

I started to nod, but couldn't finish because he'd started kissing me so hard.

"Wait. Edward. You saw the visions?"

This sobered him up.

"Yes. And…I don't care. I don't care what happens to Bella. She'll forgive me, sooner or later. And I'm not going to worry about Jasper. The rest of the family won't care. So why should we worry? I'm sure that in time, those two will be happy again."

I wanted to laugh in relief.

And he said one more thing; one more thing that almost made my long-dead heart beat again.

"Oh. And Alice? I love you too."

**EPOV:**

I loved her. It was more than the platonic bond we'd had as siblings. It was stronger than what I'd felt for Bella.

Alice was more confident, more exciting.

Bella was honestly…just a human.

With these revelations, the love I'd felt for Bella, the love that would've sent me to the ends of the Earth, disappeared.

And was replaced with this love for Alice.

Adorable Alice.

I believed what I'd said to her, after seeing her visions.

Bella and Jasper would get over us. Even if they didn't…I didn't care. I loved Alice.

After rolling around on the forest floor, kissing every inch of her I could, I decided we should go inside. We could pack, and maybe finish what we were doing now.

So I picked her up (she wasn't that heavy, for a vampire) and ran with her to the house. For some reason, nobody was there. I didn't care.

We packed and loaded our cars (we'd be taking both my Volvo and her Porsche).

Then we were in my bedroom, kissing on that bed I had put in just for Bella. She hadn't wanted it, but I think Alice was grateful.

I didn't have to hold back for Alice, didn't have to worry about hurting her. I let my mind and senses focus only on her, the incessant buzzing I usually heard from everyone's thoughts now gone.

I was so wrapped up, I didn't notice the heartbeat that was accelerating, the footsteps turning and running. The ajar door.

Bella.

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**A/N:**

**Thank you Drangonsdeathangel and Lunareclipse1 for your reviews.**

**And everyone else, thanks too.**

**Remember, reviews help me write faster. It's scientifically proven.**

**So review, and I'll update. :D  
**

**And I know there's been lots of APOV and EPOVS, but I need it to set up the scene that Bella sees. Well, that and because they might not be in the story much after this.**

**It's fun to write as an evil person.**

**But next chappie will probably be Bella's POV. With a bit of Jasper thrown in?**

**Lemme know.  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight. I do own this fanfic. And my sandwich.**

**BPOV:**

I'd decided to go up to the Cullen's place.

Edward wasn't there, and neither was Alice (he said she was still hunting, and that he needed to go too), but I thought I would take the opportunity to ask the rest of the family if anything had gone wrong with Edward lately.

I was starting to worry about us. We had started to drift apart lately. It reminded me too much of the time he'd left before. But he wouldn't do that to me again, would he? He couldn't hide behind "it's for your own good, Bella", because he knew how badly it affected me when he left. And there was no reason he'd have stopped caring for me, right? So I had to ask. Maybe the Volturi had announced their return. Or Victoria.

I shuddered.

Edward would never tell me if I were in danger. He'd think it was better to not let me know. That was something we'd have to work on. But at least his intentions were good. He'd always love me, he promised.

So that's why I had to see what was wrong, to see if I could help him.

Esme and Rosalie and Emmett would be home, they usually were. Carlisle'd probably be at work. And Jasper would've gone with Alice to hunt. But the three remaining Cullens would tell me what was going on. I was sure it was nothing big, but Edward was overprotective and would never tell me himself. After he hadn't slept with me last night, I almost panicked. History was repeating itself. But I kept telling myself that he loved me. That he promised he wouldn't leave me.

I got out of bed and jumped into the shower, letting the pounding heat slightly assuage me of my worries. I washed my hair with my now trademark strawberry shampoo, and stayed in the shower until the water began to run cold.

I dried off, not bothering today to dry my hair to impeccable straightness (Edward wouldn't be there to see me) and quickly threw on some clothes. I found my shoes, and after a moment of indecision, I grabbed my rain coat (when would I _not_ need it?)

I was eager to leave.

So eager that I tripped over about three times just getting down the stairs. It was strange not having icy hands breaking my fall.

I left a note to Charlie, telling him where I was going, and that I might sleep over (he didn't know that Alice was gone). It was Saturday, so it shouldn't be a problem.

I tripped over two more times getting out the front door, which I closed behind me. I never bothered to lock it and today was no exception.

I made my way down the driveway to my old truck, half expecting to see a silver Volvo waiting for me. No such luck. It's not as if I had expected otherwise, though.

As I started the ignition, panic began to creep up on me again. The sooner I got to the Cullen house, the sooner I would be able to extinguish my fears.

_He promised, he promised, he promised_ was my mantra as I drove along the soaked roads. With the pitter patter of the rain on the windscreen, it became almost hypnotic. _He promised, he promised._ There was no way he'd leave me. _He promised._

As I pulled up to the swath of trees that marked the beginning of the path to the Cullen mansion, I reflected, as I usually did, on the beauty of the forest. I used to think that all this _green_ was awful. But now, knowing of all the mythical creatures that took residence in Forks, I realized that it had an eerie beauty. Like Edward. Like all vampires. An eerie beauty.

My car tumbled over the path to their garage, always left open in case I came in my car. They didn't worry about being stolen from; most people wouldn't dare come near here, and if they did, the Cullens would hear them a mile off, maybe more.

I parked in the garage. I glanced at the cars, expecting to see only air where Edward's Volvo and Alice's Porsche usually stood. But they were there, looking as if they were ready to speed out of the garage, except that nobody was driving. Maybe…maybe they got back early. But…why wouldn't Edward come to see me if they had? Maybe something bad had happened to Alice.

Oh, God. I couldn't stand that, if Alice were hurt. But who could hurt a vampire?

I looked more closely at the cars. And then I gasped, almost started crying. The cars were filled with boxes and bags; Alice's looking as if her entire wardrobe was in there. They were leaving! But why? For how long? With me? Why where they leaving? Why?

I walked to the grandiose front door and opened it slowly. I poked around the bottom floor of the house. I wanted to see Esme or Emmett, even Rosalie. Jasper should be here too, if Alice was back. So where were they?

After having no success downstairs, I started to slowly make my up the massive staircase. I was being careful because I knew that if I fell down these stairs, I might not be caught. It wouldn't be my worst injury, but it would certainly be embarrassing. Also, if…for whatever reason…the Cullen's were leaving, I thought I could put up a better argument for them to stay if I wasn't black and blue all over from tripping down the stairs.

Great. I'd gone back to thinking about them leaving.

_You can't jump to conclusions, Bella._ I wanted to shout aloud, but that would've been to psychotic for my taste. So I settled for screaming at myself. _Stay calm, stay calm. _How could I be calm if I was screaming at myself? _Calm, calm, calm. Calm, calm, calm…_

For some reason, I was feeling a sense of foreboding. Like I should turn back now. But that was stupid. Why the hell should I go back? It was just a feeling, after all. A strong feeling, one that almost took over everything else…but a feeling nonetheless.

I passed all the bedroom doors upstairs, seeing that they were all open and nobody was inside, at least until I got to the last door.

Edward's door.

I stopped, my heart beating erratically.

What was I so scared about?

I pulled open the door as quietly as I could. I didn't want to be clumsy right now.

And then my world collapsed around me.

Because on the bed, the one Edward had gotten so I could stop sleeping on his couch, was a tangle of naked limbs. I could see Edward's bronze hair, Alice's black hair.

But they didn't even acknowledge me. They could hear me; they were vampires! So they didn't want to acknowledge me.

I ran out of the room. Down the stairs, without tripping. But it was too much. I felt the old wound in my chest opening up again; I felt like my insides were ripping apart. And then the tears, the ones that had been threatening to burst ever since I saw the packed cars, came out.

I had collapsed on the floor just at the landing of the stairs. Dimly, way in the back of my mind, I wondered _where_ the other Cullens were.

And Edward and Alice still hadn't come downstairs. Now I could hear groans coming from upstairs. I couldn't take it. I couldn't take it.

He _promised_ he would never leave me. And this was worse, a hundred times worse, because it confirmed that I wasn't good enough for him, that I was just plain old Bella Swan. It confirmed that there was someone for him. Someone who'd been my best friend.

I kept crying, the agony feeling like it would kill me. I wished it would. Then I wouldn't have to deal with this.

In between my sobs, in gasping breaths, I tried to voice the questions that were haunting me.

"Edward…you….Alice…why?!...Edward…"

I think I'd known I was losing him. But I'd never imagined it was like this.

I sobbed and sobbed until blissful unconsciousness finally took me.

**JPOV:**

As I approached the house, I was almost swept off my feet with agony. What was happening?

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**A/N:**

**Thanks for all your reviews!**

**Thank you, bloomsky for reviewing again. :D**

**Likey the story so far?**

**I think I'll start writing Jasper's POV tonight (for next chappie).**

**But I won't update for a week unless I get at least 4 more reviews. xD**

**As soon as I get those, I'll update. Unless it's in the next like...five minutes. Obviously.  
**

**So click that button!  
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	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or anything affiliated with it. Well, I secretly do. But you don't know that. SHH!**

**JPOV:**

The anguish I was feeling was unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. Underneath it, there was a hint of anger, and self-loathing.

Had one of the others in the family snapped and killed someone?

That was the only possible thing that could cause such awful pain, the only thing that could cause these feelings. Feelings that were strong even for a vampire.

I trudged up the house, my unwillingness stemming from both the pain that came from within the house, and a sense of foreboding that was otherwise unexplained.

For some reason, I noticed that it was unusually bright out. A seemingly unimportant detail, but almost amusing because of the contrast to the potential horror that awaited me.

I stood outside the door for a second, still hesitant to go inside.

But I had to. Someone could be hurt. And I couldn't smell the rusty tang of human blood, so I knew I wouldn't have to worry about my self control.

_Self control._

The one thing that seemed to make Alice disgusted with me. As if I wasn't trying. But I always was. Even before I'd joined the Cullens, I hated killing. It was partially due to being able to feel a victim, feel what they felt as their lives slipped away. And then there was the moral dilemma. I was taking innocent lives (usually innocent, in any case) of people who'd done absolutely nothing to deserve being brutally murdered by a vampire.

And people thought I liked killing humans. I suppose I deserved it, given my past. But it seemed as if nobody ever trusted me.

This reputation made it nearly impossible to ever even speak to Bella. Because of my reputation, and especially since her (disastrous) eighteenth birthday, the family tended to get sensitive about me being in her immediate vicinity.

Understandable, of course.

Yet I worried that she took my avoidance as something personal. I didn't like to cause people pain. I always aimed to please. That's what had driven me to work as hard as I did for Maria, even if I despised myself for it. And that's what made sure that I didn't slip. I couldn't let down the Cullens. I wanted their trust.

I turned the knob.

Walked inside.

And again felt the rush of anguish that almost knocked me off my feet.

I looked around the downstairs rooms, wondering where the rest of the family was. I could smell Alice and Edward had been down here recently. And I could smell Bella had been here around the same time, maybe just a little later.

Strange. She usually stuck to the two of them like glue. Not that they minded much, as far as I could see.

I decided to find the people I knew were here. I rounded the corner to leave the kitchen, where I had just been looking.

Then I saw her.

Felt the almost alarming distress again.

Bella. Crying her eyes out.

Had one of them tried to attack her? She wasn't covered in blood; I couldn't even smell a scratch. Surely he hadn't decided to leave again. He would have made sure Alice gave them some privacy.

I took a few tentative steps towards her.

"…Bella?"

She sniffed and looked up. Then her eyes widened and she started to cry again.

Maybe he _had_ decided to leave her. But I wanted to ask. I focused on her and her alone, deliberately blocking out Edward and Alice, who were upstairs somewhere. If I felt guilt from either of them, I wouldn't be able to stay with Bella, to find out what was causing so much misery.

And I wanted to know. I wanted to find out, before Esme or Carlisle or anybody else.

Because I'd been wrong before; Bella was the only one I knew who hadn't felt disgusted with me. Of course, she didn't know me. Didn't know my past.

"Bella? Bella, what's wrong?" I asked again, softly as to not alarm her.

She stopped crying again for a second, long enough to gasp "Edward…"

Then she started sobbing again.

"Bella, darlin'. What happened?"

My accent always slipped when I was distressed. Now wasn't an exception.

But she only shook her head and cried harder.

I examined all her emotions more carefully.

Depression. Betrayal. Anger. Jealousy. Self loathing. Confusion. Annoyance. More depression. Pity.

Why would she feel pity? I hadn't noticed it before.

Since it didn't seem like I'd get much more out of her, I picked her up and carried her to one of the couches in the living room.

She was grateful. Relieved, just a little. And even more minutely, she was annoyed. Typical Bella. Not wanting to be a bother?

I decided to go upstairs, to talk to Edward and Alice.

Maybe I could get him to not leave Bella. Maybe I could talk some sense into him.

I held on to the railing on the way up, still not confident in my ability to walk. Bella's emotional state was taking a toll on me.

As I passed the doors upstairs, I realized that I had been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't paid attention to my surroundings. Not as if I would get lost. But I hadn't noticed the sounds coming from Edward's bedroom.

The moans.

Now I was being vigilant in blocking my senses. I thought about the Presidents of the United States to keep my mind clear.

For the second time that day, I walked up to a doorknob, hesitant to turn it, yet knowing I had to.

I turned the knob.

And walked inside.

What I saw in there, it almost made my dead heart beat again. It almost made my dead heart jump out of my chest.

Now I knew how Bella could be feeling the way she did.

I felt it ten times as much.

I knew why she pitied me.

Hell, I pitied me.

Because tangled in the sheets of the bed, the bed that didn't belong, was Edward and my wife. My Alice.

I couldn't believe it.

And what was worse, is even though they knew I was there

(Guilt. Relief. Sadness. Giddiness).

they didn't stop.

Didn't stop moaning in pleasure. Didn't stop kissing every inch of each other.

So I stopped.

I backed out of the room, somehow made it downstairs.

Seeing Bella, it almost brought me back down to Earth.

I remembered that I needed to have some semblance of control, lest I cause Bella even more pain.

Easier said than done.

I sank down on the couch opposite her, and leaned my head on my knees. I just stared at the wall.

I hadn't seen this coming.

Why not?

I had _felt_ the signs of it coming.

But I hadn't guessed.

How could I have not guessed?

I might've spared both myself and Bella from this.

But I didn't guess.

And…Alice didn't even care enough to come downstairs.

I sometimes had suspected that I didn't deserve her love. But this was a hell of a way to tell me.

And I was wondering again where the rest of the family was, I heard them come in through the front door.

I could feel their concern, their curiosity.

They came into the living room, and saw us there.

Bella, still sobbing (though it had quieted down). It almost looked like she would pass out.

And then there was me, probably looking deader than a vampire was supposed to.

I could feel their burning curiosity. Their anxiety. Their shock.

Esme had come in first, followed by Carlisle.

Emmett and Rosalie were just a little behind.

"Jasper, what happened?" asked Esme and Carlisle in unison.

"Yeah…bro, you don't look so good." That was Emmett.

Rosalie just glared at Bella. She felt pity, deep down, but mostly she was exhibiting disbelief. As if we were faking our desolation.

I straightened my legs out, and grimaced slightly. I had to act more…normal. I was attempting to qualm their feelings of shock and bemusement. I would have a breakdown if everyone kept feeling as much as they did.

"Edward…and Alice. They're…together."

Try as I might, I couldn't stop my voice from shaking.

Emmett let out a booming laugh, though he still felt worried.

"Together? Of course they're together. They're always together, they're like…inseparable…oh!"

I gave a grim nod.

Carlisle looked over at Bella, and Esme just stared at the ground, shaking her head. Rosalie was sitting in an armchair.

"Jasper…how did you…" Carlisle seemed to change his mind. "Where are they now?"

I laughed humorlessly. "Upstairs." "You could still catch them in the act. They weren't in a hurry to stop, last I saw," I added after a moment's pause.

He ran his fingers through his blonde hair, a habit that I had somewhat acquired.

He was feeling indecisive. Was he going to go look?

But he sat down next to me, and Esme sat next to Bella, putting an arm around her shoulders.

As if by some unspoken agreement, Emmett sat in the armchair next to Rosalie's.

We waited.

Now I had my senses trained upstairs, and the rest of the family did too.

Bella's sobs had turned into occasional sniffles.

Poor thing.

I tried to send a wave of calm to her.

But I had only just gotten my emotions under control. I wasn't sure how helpful I'd be.

Nonetheless, she shot a relieved look in my direction. Guess it did work.

We were still waiting.

And then…I heard a heavy sigh from upstairs, followed by unhurried footsteps.

They felt relieved.

Edward and Alice felt relieved.

Only a touch of guilt still plagued their senses.

Then I saw them; saw them making their way down the stairs and into the living room.

They were here.

And what was I supposed to say to them?

Thanks for lying to me? Thanks for cheating on me?

I heard Bella's heart race. I'm sure everyone did. Again, I tried to control my emotions. Again, I sent a wave of calm to Bella. Again, it worked, and again, she shot me a grateful glance.

Carlisle, Esme and Emmett looked at them expectantly, waiting for an explanation. Rosalie still looked as if she could care less, but I could feel curiosity, anger and pity rising from her.

"Mom…dad…" Alice began.

Emmett let out a low growl. He clearly didn't approve of them calling Esme and Carlisle their parents.

But our parents just nodded slowly, willing them to continue.

"We're leaving. Alice and I have found something…something breathtaking together! And we wouldn't want to impose ourselves on you. So…we've already packed," Edward continued.

Esme looked as if she would cry, if she still could. I could feel her uncertainty, her disbelief, and her sadness. She got up off the couch and walked into the kitchen.

Carlisle was…rather angry. That was unexpected; cool, collected Carlisle becoming angry. Of course, he didn't show it.

"Edward…Alice…I'm sure I can't change your minds. Do whatever you think is best."

I could feel his disappointment now. Crushing, drowning disappointment.

Emmett wouldn't look at either of them. Instead, he went over to Bella to pull her into a bear hug ("Emmett! Can't…breathe….human…."). At least it cheered them both, even if it was only slightly.

Rosalie stared at them coldly. She was jealous, probably because Edward had cheated on a vampire that _wasn't_ her.

Edward and Alice looked towards Bella first. I felt guilt now. But creeping up on that…was disgust.

I let out a growl.

_How dare you? Disgust, Edward. Really? She should be disgusted with you._

He just stared at me.

Then they both turned on their heels, and in one fluid motion, they walked out of the door.

The last I heard of them that day was their cars speeding off into the distance.

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**A/N: Thankies for the reviews!**

**I won't make you work for an update again, I just wanted to make sure people were reading. :p**

**My chapters are gradually getting longer. They look so long on word :[**

**Oh, and Bella wasn't passed out when Jasper came in cause she woke up really soon after. I'll go into more detail in her next POV.**

**Review, and you shall get a cuppiecake. Or a gumdrop.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Me no own twilight. aww, man.**

**BPOV:**

They were leaving.

They were leaving again.

Despite what they had done to me, I had felt closer to them than anyone else. And I had always known I was no good for Edward. So now…I almost wish they had stayed. I could've put up with their relationship.

But then I looked over to Jasper, who was now sitting on the couch opposite me, staring off into space. I don't think he could've taken it.

He had been married to Alice for…a hundred years? More? I realized that I didn't actually know much about Jasper at all. Edwa—_he _had preferred to shield me from anything unpleasant.

I almost shuddered. What could be so unpleasant that I wasn't allowed to know? Regardless of his past though, I was extremely grateful for his empathic abilities. I was now calm. Well, not completely. It was still taking everything I had to not burst out into tears again. This was partly for my sake; I didn't want to embarrass myself even more today. Having my husband leave me for my best friend…well, I didn't want to go there again. Or I would burst into tears. Which I didn't want to do, because that would hurt Jasper even more. He didn't look like he could handle the brunt of everyone's negative emotions, so I think everyone was, consciously or not, trying to contain themselves.

I marveled at how well he was handling this though. He was still sending me a steady wave of calm. If I didn't have that, I would probably be catatonic again. Not that I'd mind much. At least I wouldn't inflict my emotions onto Jasper. He shouldn't have to do this for me. He'd already woken me from my unconsciousness with a burst of adrenaline he'd sent me. He'd made sure that I wasn't passed out when _he_ had come down with _her._

I took a quick look around the room. Rosalie and Emmett were nowhere to be seen. I remembered that he had given me a crushing bear hug. It had cheered me up; feeling like someone cared enough to side with me over his siblings of…god knows how many years.

Carlisle was in the kitchen with Esme, trying to comfort her. She was sobbing dry sobs, probably hating me for causing her two children to leave. I flinched at that thought.

Jasper sent me another wave of calm, this time looking at me with worry in his eyes. I smiled slightly, though it probably came out as a grimace. But he would understand; he could feel my appreciation for him, and for his empathy.

As if my looking around had been some signal, the Cullens, the ones who hadn't left and broken my heart, flitted into the room, not bothering to conceal their vampire speed.

Esme was still sobbing slightly, and Rosalie still looked as if she didn't care what was happening. But they were there. Did this mean they were staying? Or were they going to leave again? Were they going to go after _them?_ Would Jasper leave, too? I started to hyperventilate.

But having hyperventilated so many times before, I knew that putting your head between your legs helped. I did so now, and then I felt another wave of calm wash over me.

I didn't bother smiling…or grimacing at Jasper this time. Instead, I sent him a rush of gratitude, and hopefully, some of his calm back. He probably needed it as much as I did.

After I had regained control of my breathing, Carlisle stepped forward slightly.

"Bella..." he began

"No! You can't leave me….please…don't leave again…"

I know I must have sounded desperate. It probably wouldn't help my case, but I needed to tell them…I needed them to know I couldn't stand them leaving again.

But Carlisle only chuckled softly.

"Bella, we're not leaving you. I am truly sorry for leaving the last time, particularly considering it was as a favor to Ed…erm…anyway, we are all extremely apologetic. I was only going to ask…do you want to stay here with us for tonight? Or would you prefer to go home? I know that it's Saturday, and there's school on Monday, but you could finish the weekend here. You're a daughter to us, and…."

He had to stop because I'd started crying again. Out of happiness. I was a daughter to them.

Of course, Carlisle didn't know the reason for my sudden outburst. Most of the family didn't, and with one exception, they all looked at me, alarmed. Jasper, on the other hand, just twitched his lips. He looked amused. And…touched? But he couldn't care that much about what was happening with me. He had his own problems.

After the rest of the family noticed Jasper's lack of concern over my tears, the relief was immediate. Now they all had the same mixture of feelings Jasper did; amusement and sentiment battling for dominance on their face.

Carlisle laughed again.

"We're glad you feel so touched. But you should know, we've always considered you family. It was terrible for us to leave you the first time. We don't intend to do it again."

I smiled, thankful for the reassurance.

"I think…I think I should go home. I appreciate your willingness to take me in. I really do. But…I don't think I can be anywhere that reminds me of…" I trailed off, as reluctant to mention him as I was to think of him.

"Alright. Shall I drive you home? One of us can drive your truck back later, if you like."

I shook my head. They had already done so much for me, suffered so much for me. I wanted to do anything I could to take care of myself, no matter how small it was. And…if I started crying, if the nightmares came back, I wanted to be on my own.

"Thank you though, for the offer. But I should do it on my own," I said, hoping that my voice sounded certain. I certainly didn't feel sure of my decision. But I knew it was what I had to do.

Esme had regained her composure (remarkably quickly after such a loss, in my opinion) and flitted over to give me a hug. It wasn't bone crushing like Emmett's, but I felt just as safe in her arms.

"Take care of yourself, Bella."

"Thanks, Esme."

I saw Rosalie move forward tentatively, then walk towards me.

"Bella…I'm sorry about what you had to go through today,"

Although her tone wasn't what I'd call warm and inviting, I appreciated the effort, and the humility she had to have in order to apologize, after voicing her distaste for me as often as she did.

I sounded shocked when I replied.

"Thanks, Rosalie."

She smiled thinly. I didn't want to push anything, so I let her walk away without saying anything else. I'm sure she felt as relieved as I did to not have to finish the awkward conversation.

I looked around for Emmett, and then felt him hug me again. I relaxed in his strong grip, feeling sheltered from the world. It was nice, until I had to breathe.

"Emmett…can't…breathe…again…"

He laughed loudly as he released me, the infectious sound lifting the tension in the air somewhat.

"Well…I should probably be going…thank you all for everything…" I trailed off a little, as I was trying to find Jasper. But he was nowhere to be seen.

"I think he went to his study, dear," Esme said, reading my mind.

I remembered seeing him before I was hugged by Emmett. He must have left while everyone was watching me be suffocated. I knew he was nearby, because I wasn't breaking down in hysterics yet. Was he troubled that nobody comforted him? But I didn't want to go see him myself. I knew he had problems with control, and in his state of hurt, me being close to him might tempt him. I didn't want to make things difficult. Still, I wished I could have said goodbye, or at least thanked him. I didn't know how often Charlie would let me come to the Cullen's once he heard that _they_ had left. He wouldn't understand my reasoning, wouldn't understand that they were all my second family.

But I couldn't do anything about Jasper's absence, so I decided to leave now. I said goodbye one last time and walked out the front door, wondering how my life could have changed so much in the past few hours.

* * *

**A/N**

**Thanks fer the reviews. :]**

**They make my day.**

**Sorry about the short chapter, I've had a ton of homework. I was gonna add a lot more to it, but I'll make the second part another chapter so that you've got at least a little update.**

**Erm.**

**Review, and no clowns will kill you as you sleep.  
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	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I'm not SM, therefore, I don't own twilight. Duh.**

**BPOV:**

The minute I stepped outside the front door, it was as if I had passed some imaginary threshold, where Jasper's ability didn't work. Agonizing waves of pain washed over me, threatening to drown me. But…how could I go back inside? How could I admit that I wasn't fine, when they had their own troubles to mull over? I couldn't.

So I made my way to my old and rusted car; the one that I still, if bizarrely, loved. I opened the door, fumbling with the handle for a moment. I hadn't locked it, so I didn't have to waste time awkwardly trying to fit the key into the door. I flinched at that thought. Someone had once said that _he_ and I were like a lock and key, made for each other. Sure we were.

I slid into the driver's seat, grateful that I had not opted for a ride. The Cullen's would have to see pathetic Bella make its appearance, would have to see my weakness rear its head.

And now Idid have to deal with a key, now I did have to fumble awkwardly to get it in the ignition. After what felt like hours, I managed to start the car and drive away from the house as quickly as I could (which was around 60 miles an hour).

I finally arrived at my house, and mercifully, Charlie wasn't back from his fishing expedition. I needed time to compose myself, to convince Charlie that I wasn't going to do anything stupid. Though, I myself wasn't sure that it wouldn't be easier to take Charlie's gun to my face, or swallow a bottle of pills. Anything to end the pain. Of course it would be easier. But then I imagined Charlie's face, and I knew I would never take my own life. Not as long as he lived.

I figured I should start dinner, and perhaps do a load of laundry. There was no reason to make Charlie do extra work, just because I had been stupid and gullible. Just because I had believed _he_ loved me.

I shook my head, trying to clear it.

If I was going to wallow in self pity, I might as well get the dishes done at the same time.

I allowed myself to sink in a comfortable numbness, aware from past experience that this wasn't the best method for coping, but also aware that short of suicide, nothing else could diminish the pain I felt. Well, maybe Jasper could. But I couldn't expect him to stay with me, given his own grief.

By the time Charlie returned, it was around nine o'clock, and the dishes were done, the laundry was fresh, folded, and put away. I had even started on my homework.

I was alerted to his coming home by the turn of the front door, and his usual call of "Bella? You here?"

I took a shuddering breath. I was determined to stop him from finding out what happened. Or, given that Forks was a breeding ground for gossip, I was determined to stop him finding out until I was at school tomorrow, away from his pity, away from his disguised happiness at Edward being gone, away from the "I told you so's" I would no doubt hear.

But I was Bella. I didn't have such luck.

"Bells?" he asked, as soon as he saw me.

I'd been sitting on the couch in the living room, staring at the television but not watching, not at all interested in the news.

"Bells, what's wrong?"

I caved fast. I couldn't keep up my numbness, no matter how hard I tried to summon it back.

"Edw--Edwar—Edward and I…"

It was funny. That time he left me, told me he didn't love me, I'd believed him. Even though he'd been lying. (had he been lying?) But now…I had felt like this was some kind of surreal dream, the kind where you wake up severely disoriented. And then I'd said his name, and the old wounds in my side opened again, with more agony than I'd thought possible.

_Keep it together, Bella._

I took another slow, deep breath, trying to stem the tears that threatened to spring.

"He…he-and-I-broke-up," I finished, stringing the last words together so quickly I was worried Charlie may not have caught it.

Of course he had.

"Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry. I knew he'd do something like this to you…" He started going into a rant about how he'd known Edward wasn't good enough for me, though of course he had it backwards. I was the one who wasn't good enough, the one who caused tragedy wherever she went.

I sighed as I responded, finally able to recapture some of my earlier numbness. Better than the pain.

"It's fine, Ch-Dad. I think I'm going to go to my room now…I need some sleep."

I tried giving a small smile, though, for the second time that day, it probably looked more like a grimace.

Charlie eyed me critically. Why did he have to choose now to be an observant parent?

"You sure? You don't wanna go down to La Push for the night? I know last time…" he broke off, probably aware that mentioning this had happened once before wasn't going to do me any good.

He cleared his throat before finishing.

"I know that Jake's always been there for you."

I contemplated this. He _had_ always been there, but I didn't want to intrude, especially since he'd imprinted. He had met a girl from his high school, on the reservation. Her name was Summer, and they were blissfully happy together.

It had been almost a relief, in a way, to have Jake's advances towards me stop. But Charlie hadn't given up on the two of us, and still relished any opportunity to get us together.

"No…dad…I'll be fine. I just want to go to bed," I yawned as a responded, hoping to coerce him into leaving me be.

He still looked doubtful as he gave his permission to let me out of his sight, but all I wanted was to get away, to be able to express my emotions without fear of causing others pain.

I ran up to my room, tripping twice along the way.

(Stupid, clumsy human, no wonder Edward didn't love you)

I threw open my door, and flopped onto the bed, finally letting the tears that I had tried so hard to hold back, spill.

I cried for everything I had lost; my love, my best friend, my happiness.

I cried for hours, muffling the sobs with a pillow so Charlie wouldn't investigate.

I finally fell asleep as the dawn light streamed into the window, though my sleep didn't last long.

_I was in _our_ meadow again. Just looking, though I didn't know for what. Then I saw him, and I remembered, remembered that he'd left again. I didn't care though, I just wanted him back. He was stating into the distance. I ran up to him, trying so hard not to fall and make him walk away in disgust. "EDWARD!" He turned around as I said this. "You came back for me!" I was almost crying in joy. But then he took my face in his hands and said "No ,Bella. You're not worth it. You've never been."I was devastated. Worse than I had been when I'd seen him in the arms of Alice, because even then he hadn't been so blunt. "Why…why did you come back then?" I needed to know. But he only laughed and ran away at vampire speed, soon becoming a blur in the distance. _

My alarm clock rang.

_Just-a-dream-just-a-dream-just-a-dream, Bella._

I stared out the window, and as I did so, I could've sworn I say someone with pale skin flit away as if he were a shadow.

It was probably just my imagination running away again.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Woo!**

**Thanks for the reviews.**

**I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with a fear of clowns killing me as I sleep. x.x;  
**

**And sorry it's been taking more than a day to update, I've got bio homework. And I'm failing math, haha. :[**

**Anyway, review and my math teacher'll give you all A's.**

**:D  
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	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Need I say it? I don't own twilight. .**

**JPOV:**

As soon as Bella left, the family fell apart.

I could tell they were trying not to. They were hiding their storm of confusion, pain and anger behind the mask of a calm face.

But it was useless trying act stoic for an empath. They were trying to help me, trying to make sure I didn't fall apart any more than I had already. I wish they wouldn't. They would only hold on to their emotions longer. They would avoid doing _anything_, for fear of having a breakdown. Until I spent enough time away from them to let them process their grief in peace, away from the damned empath, I'd be living in a house of zombies.

There was no time like the present.

"Jasper. You know you don't have to do this for us," Esme pleaded.

"Yeah. You could always stay here. You know we'd deal with you," Emmett chimed in.

Carlisle told me to "do what you think is right."

Rosalie only shrugged and walked out of the room, but she sent me a wave of understanding. No matter what shallow front she might put up, Rosalie really did have a sense for what people wanted. And deep down, she'd always feel compassion for someone who was hurting. I'd felt it for Bella earlier.

I tried to smile before responding to all of them, but it came out as just a twitch of the mouth; it might have been imperceptible had we not been vampires. Luckily, we were. They noticed my attempt and were somewhat comforted. The room grew calmer, which made it easier to think about what I'd do next.

"Thank you, for the understanding. But I've got to go and…well, I don't know yet. But I've got to be alone. That much I know."

They were all a little relieved. And sad, and confused. Then there was another wave of pain, and I realized they were remembering Edward and Alice. They may have been traitors, but they were still family. And the rest of the family, the ones that had been left in the dust would always hold on to that. They'd been family.

"Well…if you feel that's what's best for you, then we support you," said Carlisle.

"Thank you," I said again.

I remembered the words that Carlisle had spoken to them before they left. They were similar to the ones he now passed on to me, though these weren't accompanied by crushing disappointment. That was nice.

I went upstairs to pack, hesitant to go into the room I had once shared with Alice.

_You've gotta do it, Jasper. It'd be wrong of you to stay, wrong of you to be a coward._

It was harder going into that room than it had been to go into any of the battles I'd fought as a soldier.

But I did go in, somehow.

When I was inside, door shut behind me, I looked around. Maybe for the last time. I didn't know that I'd want to come back here, not after what Alice had done to me.

She'd taken all her clothes, leaving the closets and drawers nearly bare. The black couch was still there, with a throw blanket over the top. Purely for show.

The television was gone, though I hadn't expected differently. It _had _been a nice one.

And all the pictures that'd been up…they were still here.

I supposed she didn't want to be reminded of what she'd done, how much she had hurt everyone. I half considered pulling them all down, but then figured I didn't care enough. It wasn't as if I would be here for long, and when I came back, if I came back, I could deal with it.

I dug through what remained of the things in the closet until I found my duffel bag. In it, I threw as many clothes as I could fit. Along with them went my bike keys, my credit cards, and some cash.

All that was left was to say goodbye to everyone.

They were still in the living room, though they had gone to sit down on the various couches and arm chairs.

I cleared my throat, a gesture I still hadn't let go of from my human days.

"Er…I'm leaving…just for a little while. I've got to figure some things out. I'm not sure when I'll be back…but….I wanted you all to know that I love you and I'll miss you. I…guess that's it."

They all stared at me for what felt like hours, but was probably a tenth of a second. Then they all but jumped up to hug me. If I'd been human, I swear, I would have suffocated.

After a few minutes of this, I pulled away, waved once over my shoulder, and walked out the front door, the one that, earlier today, had tried to warn me not to come in. I wondered what my life would have been like, how long it might've taken for me to find out about them, if I hadn't seen them today.

I think in the back of my head, I'd known for a while. The feelings that came with betrayal, the one's I'd felt radiating from them [though I'd denied those feelings, not wanting to admit to myself what they were] felt so similar to the one's I'd felt when I had been in Maria's coven.

Still mulling over this, I walked to the garage, and put my things in the trunk of one of the spare Jaguars Carlisle had lying around. I spotted my motorcycle; the one Edward had given me after Bella hadn't wanted to ride with him.

She'd been right in standing up about that. I had heard that conversation [it was hard not to, with my hearing], had felt the anxiety that Bella had, and the fear that she'd hurt Edward's feelings. And then the almost overwhelming relief when he had agreed to give it up.

People shouldn't have to feel that. People shouldn't be so worried about making others happy. Though…where was the line drawn in that? Alice and Edward had clearly not cared what effect they had on other people. That was going a little too far. At least…that's what the rational side of me said. The irrational side, it disagreed. Because I didn't hate Alice. I didn't even hate Edward. They had been my family for so long, had helped me control myself. Despite what had happened, I still loved them, in a way. I still wanted them to be happy.

I felt my distress radiating back at me. Crap. I had to get a hold of myself. This was why I had to leave. I didn't want to make my family suffer more than they had to.

I took another look at the bike and, shrugging, threw that in the trunk too. It might be useful.

I got into the driver's seat and tore out of the garage, sped down the path that led away from the house. I slowed down only as I hit a larger road. I wouldn't want to get caught for speeding.

As I debated where to go next, I realized that the back of my throat was burning, if only slightly. At least I had some purpose now.

Once I had put what I deemed to be 'enough' distance between me and the rest of my family, I drove to the edge of the road that bordered the forest.

As I ran through the trees, feeling the wind run through my hair, I finally felt free. Free to feel, free to be sad.

Deciding that I could wait before demolishing a small population of elk, I sat down. If I could have cried, I would have done so then. I would've cried for Alice, even for the bastard named Edward. And for Bella. She deserved someone who still cared about her. And that gave me an idea. I must have sat there for hours. I had to stop wallowing, at least for now. My thirst was growing.

I quickly found a herd that was running past and demolished it, not stopping to savor the fight. I drank, not spilling a drop on my shirt. Something every vampire eventually learns how to do, though it had taken me longer than some.

I made my way back to my car, my idea giving me renewed energy.

I was going to see Bella.

I wouldn't talk to her; she'd probably be asleep anyway. But I could calm her down if need be. Plus…I heard she was interesting to watch while she slept.

I drove down the streets, finding Bella's house by scent.

And then I was there.

I climbed into the tree, not daring to go inside. Obviously, I didn't want her to know I was here. And I didn't know that I wouldn't slip. Her blood smelled like ambrosia, fit only for the Gods. I could barely discern one human from another, but I knew that she was different.

I could hear her sobbing, and again, I felt those waves of anguish. It seemed impossible for a human to hold that much emotion.

I sent a small ripple of calm towards her. She needed to get this out of her system and calming her too much wouldn't help.

When she finally fell asleep, she slipped into a nightmare.

She felt terrified, betrayed…joyful? And then terrified again.

I sent another ripple of calm over.

I wanted her to get the nightmares out of her system, too.

I sat there in the tree, sending small ripples of calm, until the dawn light kissed the sky. She stirred at around this time, and quick as a flash, I ran away.

I felt her surprise though. Had she seen me?

I shrugged the thought away. She hadn't been terrified, so I'd guess she didn't. Besides, her human eyesight wouldn't be able to catch my lightening fast movements.

Once again, I decided to hunt. Even being separated by a wall hadn't helped me; Bella's blood had made my venom start to drip. I had to hunt to be safe. I couldn't slip, not after all this time.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Jasper POV again!**

**Sorry it took a coupla days again.**

**:[**

** This might be a thing for a while. Schools being evil. **

**But I will update at least once every three days, unless something really big comes up.**

**Anyway, **

**thanks again for all the reviews and favorites and stuff, they make my week. :D**

**Next chappie will be EPOV with maybe a little APOV. I guess I have to explain their disgust at Bella, lol.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: See past chapters. I don't feel like typing it again. :[**

**EPOV:**

The minute Alice and I left the house, I picked her up and ran to the garage, where our cars were still there, waiting for us to jump in.

I almost wish that we had made some other arrangement; as things were, Alice and I would be separated for our trip, until we stopped to fill our gas tanks. But it was too late to change the plan now, and, regardless, I couldn't think of a better one.

I could still hear our family's thoughts from where I stood, helping Alice into her car. Carlisle was only thinking _How could they…why didn't I see this coming. _Esme's thoughts followed the same path.

Emmett was thinking _Damn it, Edward. Why'd you do this to Bella? Asshole._

Rosalie was humming "I Feel Pretty" in her head, trying to disguise whatever it was that she was really thinking. If the situation hadn't been so solemn, I might've laughed aloud at her choice of song. As it was, I could only manage a small smile.

I _did_ feel terrible for what I had done to them, to Bella and to Jasper, particularly. But on the other hand, I wished they could be more supportive. A selfish thought, I knew. But I was an essentially selfish creature. I wished they'd realize that this was meant to be, that Alice and I must have been destined to be together.

When I'd told them, everyone's thoughts went blank for a moment. They were shocked. Then they started racing, with the _How could you's _and the _Wait…really?'s_ that went around. As usual, I couldn't read Bella's thoughts, but I could see her face, see the devastation.

AndI felt disgusted. At first it was directed to Bella. Why did she have to care so much? Why couldn't she have held in her emotions until after we left, saved herself some dignity? But then I'd felt disgusted at myself. For causing this mess, for turning my back on my family.

But it had been worth it.

Alice looked up from her seat and smiled at me a little, trying to ease what must have been my visible distress.

_Edward. Don't worry. I love you. You love me. We're going to be happy together. That's all that matters._

And then she showed me a vision, one she must have had just recently had.

We were sitting in a cabin, on a couch. Alice was on my lap, and we were laughing, kissing occasionally. The television was on in the background, though neither of us paid it any attention.

Then the vision faded out, and I was brought back to the unusually sun-lit day in Forks.

I grinned at what I'd seen and kissed her, pulling away before we spent any more time here. I couldn't wait until we got…wherever we were going.

I jumped in my own car and sped off, Alice on my tail (though she would soon overtake me), feeling at ease with the world for the first time in weeks.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Really short chapter, but I just wanted to explain the disgust thing.**

**Anyway, **

**review, and orange dinosaurs will eat pizza.  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: -insert here-**

**BPOV:**

I couldn't deal with school today. Charlie came up to my room ten minutes before I was supposed to leave. He'd heard my alarm go off, and then smash after a few minutes. When he came to my bedside he asked "are you alright?" to which I groaned.

I wasn't alright.

I didn't think I ever would be.

But I couldn't voice that, couldn't make him worry.

"I'm…fine, dad. I think I caught a bug or something." I coughed to add plausibility to this.

Charlie still looked uncertain as he replied though. "Well...if you want, I could stay home. I wouldn't be much help to you, I know. But if you want me here…"

"NO! I mean…no, that's alright. I should be fine. I just need to sleep it off."

I smiled weakly, and he sighed in relief. He had plans to go to La Push after work, and he'd have to reschedule if he stayed. I thanked my lucky stars. If he hadn't had something to do, he might be less inclined to let me stay on my own, especially when I said I was sick. But I really didn't want to have him here, especially if I was going to be crying. I didn't want to worry him.

"Okay then, Bells. Call if you need me, alright?" With that he walked out of the room, leaving me in peace. As always, I greatly appreciated his lack of hovering. Renee would have been enveloping me in hugs, and trying to cram chicken soup down my throat. Though it was nice that she cared, it was usually suffocating.

I heard the door click shut downstairs, then Charlie's car driving away. For a second, I felt a terrible sadness (I've been abandoned again) and began to sob uncontrollably. This lasted for perhaps an hour; before I pulled myself together, telling myself that I had wanted him to go. Not _him_, but Charlie. To an extent, I did want _him_ to go. Cheating on me with _her_…but that made me choke up again. I couldn't think about it. If I reflected on it too much, I'd probably still be crying when Charlie got back, and wouldn't know when I'd stop. Instead, I tried to push it to the dark corners of my mind, a lost box in the attic.

Not that it would help much. But I could try.

I went to our single bathroom, and looked in the mirror. I almost gasped at what I saw. Eyes red and puffy, nose looking like I was Rudolph or something. Hair a tangled mess of brown locks, and my naturally pale skin almost translucent.

I got into the shower, hoping to improve my image, if only slightly.

After what seemed like an hour under the pounding streams of water, I got out, and dried my hair, but only slightly. I didn't feel like making the effort (what was the point anymore?) and it would dry wavy.

I looked in the mirror again, after wiping off some of the steam. Better. My eyes weren't puffy anymore, though they were still red. My face had regained a bit of color, but it was probably just a flush from the heat of the shower.

It was useless to fret, though. I had nobody to look impressive for, and no plans for the rest of the day. I couldn't go to school. I didn't really want to, anyway. The word that Edward and Alice had left must have traveled all over Forks and back by now. There would be no relief from the overwhelming pity and secret satisfaction everyone at school would surely have. There would be no relief from the mocking that I'd face from Lauren, from the poorly disguised delight that Jessica would have, from the powerful ability Angela had to analyze just how desolate I was feeling. No relief, no relief…

Suddenly I felt suffocated. I couldn't be inside anymore, I had to go outside and feel the openness. I supposed that was one of the perks of Forks; huge forests that just called to someone who wanted to drop off the face of the Earth for a few hours.

I got a bowl of cereal before I left, remembering how _he_ always used to tease me about how I could stand to eat such 'revolting' human food. As I watched the pieces of cereal turn soggy, I decided I should probably write a note for Charlie, in case I got lost again, or fell to pieces like the last time_...no. Mustn't think of that. _

So I finished my breakfast, scribbled a note, and stuck it on the television, where Charlie would be sure to see it.

In my hurry to get outside, I forgot my raincoat, so I doubled back and went to get that. While I was inside, I figured I should bring my boots as well. I'd been wearing tennis shoes, but why press my luck? I also grabbed a book, _Wuthering Heights_. It was my 'happy place'; whenever I read it, I could escape all my problems for a little while. And I badly needed an escape. As a final thought, I took a blanket, figuring if I sat down, I wouldn't want to soak my jeans through.

I walked up to the driveway to get into my car, turning up the heater inside. As usual, it was raining, and the roads were slick. At least there was no snow.

I didn't know where exactly I was going. I drove to the edge of the forest the lay just a little while from the house. When I got out of the car, I leaned against it for a minute, still undecided on which path I should take.

I chose at random, taking the left hand one. There were felled tree branches, and I stumbled over these several times. Water dripped from the overhanging trees and soaked my hair again. Small forest creatures ran around, and I could hear their scuttling footsteps. It was unnerving, but I was determined to hold it together.

I was glad that I'd returned and gotten the boots, because there were giant mud puddles everywhere. Had I been young, and less opposed to gloomy, messy weather, I probably would've made mud pies. As it was, I tried my best to avoid it.

By the time the mud began to thin out, the trees got thicker, blocking out the sky. This was a perfect place, completely private from the world. I found a spot between the massive roots of a tree, and threw my blanket down. Warm and cozy it was not, but my head felt clearer out here, and I felt less smothered than I had inside. There was still a lingering feeling of being closed in, because of the hidden sky, but I liked it that way. I wanted to feel somewhat protected.

I lay down on my blanket and started reading. I didn't know how much time had passed, but when I tore my eyes away from the book, I noticed it was raining more heavily now, and it was much colder, almost uncomfortably so.

I got up, folded my blanket and marked my place in my book.

That was when I heard it. A loud sigh, somewhat dreamy. Coming from my left towards…towards the Cullen house?

And then footsteps which stopped suddenly. I heard her voice, but whoever she was talking to was speaking too quietly, or maybe too quickly. Either way, it was indistinguishable.

I moved closer, trying to make out the conversation.

There she was again, saying "…really? You're just messing with me. It's not private property…I've been here plenty of times."

And then there was a pause, in which I assumed the other person answered. Then she giggled. "Alrighty then, I'll leave. Bu I won't go too far." I could almost hear her winking. Whoever she was flirting with clearly didn't care though, because she stomped away, annoyed, after a few seconds.

I hid behind a tree, hoping she wouldn't see me. I didn't want to be thought of as an eavesdropper. I caught a glimpse of her as she walked by. She had hair like Lauren's, silky smooth and a bright shade of blonde. She had a slight tan, though it was orange tinted. It being Forks, where the sun rarely made an appearance, I figured she probably used a spray tan. I laughed aloud at the thought, though I did so quietly, almost silently. It wasn't a real laugh, but it felt better, superficial as it was.

By now the blonde had walked quite a distance, and was steadily growing smaller in the distance.

Then I felt a tap on my shoulder and I whirled around, alarmed. But I saw who it was, and I had to smile, though my smiles still came out as grimaces.

"Emmett!"

He smiled back, though his grin reached ear to ear, and pulled me into one of his famous bear hugs. Maybe that's where his preference for grizzlies came from; he was almost a bear himself. I winced as I remembered the conversation I'd had with _him_ in the cafeteria, back when my discovery of his vampirism was newly found. We had mused over food preferences, deciding they were "indicative".

Seeing me wince, Emmett released me immediately and looked sheepish. This time I gave him a hug, though it was obviously not at all bone-crushing, and said "No, it's not you, Emmett. I just…had a small flashback."

I gave one of my grimace-y smiles.

He hugged me back, until I motioned that I couldn't breathe, and he released me, though he was much more relaxed now.

"So, who was that?" I asked, hoping to break the silence.

His face fell. "A hiker. Says she's been coming here for ages." He snorted.

"What's wrong with hikers? I'm here," I pointed out.

He ruffled my hair. "Yes, but we know your scent. If you started bleeding, one of the rest of us would be able to…" he trailed off.

"One of…the 'rest of us'? Emmett, what do you mean?"

He looked uncomfortable now.

"Jasper's been…well it's completely understandable, we all have trouble when we're stressed and with Jasper's past…"

Jasper's past? I'd heard references to it, but had never heard the story. This didn't seem important at the time. I hadn't realized how miserable Jasper had been. I was so wrapped in my own grief that I didn't think to check how he was. Stupid, stupid Bella.

Seeing my change in mood, Emmett rushed to say "Of course, it's not your fault. He'll be fine, I think…erm…I'm sure. Just don't cut your head open or anything!"

He gave a booming laugh, though I knew he was still troubled. I didn't want to press it though, so I laughed weakly and agreed.

"Want to come over?" he asked, clearly wanting to change the subject.

I thought about this for a minute. I probably wouldn't have the opportunity very often; I still hadn't thought of how to tell Charlie that I remained on friendly terms with most of the Cullens.

So I told him yes, and we started trekking through a line of trees.

Emmett looked down at me, and asked "Would you mind if I carry you? I won't go too fast, but I'd like to get back before sunset."

I pouted. "Alright. Just don't drop me."

He laughed again and threw me over his shoulder, but he didn't hurt me. He took off at what must have been a gentle pace for him, but was fast enough to make me feel slightly ill. I closed my eyes.

Then he was putting me down, laughing that booming laugh, and saying "Bella, we're here."

He put down my blanket and book next.

"Bella, are you okay?"

Stupid vampire. Stupid. Fast. Vampire.

I grumbled a little, and said that yes, I was fine. I grabbed my things and followed him inside.

"Hey, Emmett?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you guys at home? It's cloudy and…" I made a face "…wet today.

"I could ask you the same thing."

Except it wasn't Emmett who answered, it was Esme. Her voice was understanding, not reproachful, and I flung myself in her arms, overjoyed to see her.

I backed away soon though, feeling embarrassed.

"Er…hi."

She laughed, a musical sound.

"I'm home because I don't want to deal with the gossip about…well, I don't want to deal with the gossip," I said, avoiding mentioning the event that had changed the course of my life.

She nodded.

"That's why the kids are at home today," she said, answering my earlier question.

Rosalie came down the stairs, noticing my smell, most likely. She glanced at me, but shrugged and walked back upstairs.

Emmett followed her.

I bit my lip and looked downwards, unsure of what to say now.

"Don't worry about her, dear. She just hates to have lost a sister. It's been hard on all of us."

I felt another wave of shame wash over me. Why couldn't I be less self absorbed?

She sensed this though, and put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"You've had it the hardest, though. You're a human, and your emotions are more fragile."

I was mildly comforted, but the feeling of shame and self-centeredness remained in my head.

"Thank you, Esme."

She smiled. The gesture was comforting and sad and pleased and motherly, all at the same time.

"I was wondering if you'd like to…"

But whatever she was going to say was cut off by shattering glass and a deafening roar.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Sorry it took so long again; progress reports came in the mail and I kinda got grounded. **

**And then I had to take the damn CAHSEE's (California High School Exit Exams), which, aside from insulting my intelligence, and being a waste of time, **

**are the stupidest thing I've ever done. Plus they led to me getting grounded _again_. I'll work it in the story somehow, it was pretty funny.  
**

**Anywho, hope you enjoy the chapter, and if you don't review, I'll eat a cookie and I won't give you one. :p**

**[but if you can get me a copy of "The Nightmare" by Alice Cooper (that tv movie, not the concert thing) then you don't hafta review ever again. I'll love you that much.]  
**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: Rawr. Me no own. Rawr. Me own cookie. Rawr. :K**

**BPOV:**

I heard a scream, and it sounded like "JASPER, NO!" but I couldn't be sure; everything was happening so fast. I turned to Esme, a puzzled look on my face. But what I saw on _her_ face was shocking. The usually calm Esme, the one who always had a level head, was looking _scared_. Not just 'scary-movie-followed-by-some-weird-noise' scared, but 'oh-my-god-someone's-holding-a-gun-to-my-head' scared.

"E-Esme?"

She moved her head to look straight at me; I was still amazed at the fluidity of their motions.

"Esme…what's happening?"

"Jasper…" she whispered.

Then she snapped out of whatever mood she was in.

"Jasper's back. He'd left the same day you did…we didn't expect him to come back. He's in the woods now, just a mile or two away."

"A-a mile or two? What's going on? Why is the window broken?"

"Emmett jumped out to save him."

"From _what?_ What could hurt a vampire? Is it werewolves? Is he going to be alright?"

"No, not from werewolves. From himself."

I looked at her even more confusedly.

"What do you mean?"

"There's…there's a human out there. Bleeding…"

Understanding hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Oh, god. Jasper…"

Now I was talking like Esme, too shocked and too terrified to make sense. Jasper would never forgive himself if he killed someone. I had to do something.

"Esme…I'm going to go see if I can do anything at all…"

"No! Bella, dear, you mustn't. He can't control himself. You might be killed!"

"But…I…"

I couldn't even voice why I _needed_ to go, because I couldn't put it into words. I didn't know how. But I had to go. I couldn't just stay here.

"Bella," she said, her voice growing softer. "Bella…you won't be able to stop him. There's already blood."

"No…No! I've got to try."

It was no use. Her grip was still steel tight.

"Esme…" I pleaded, desperation and panic now edging my voice.

She sighed.

"Bella, if you go out there you will, in all likelihood, die. You can't do that to Charlie, to us, to Jasper. Can you live with that?"

I glared daggers at her. She knew how to lead me into a guilt trip better than anyone I had ever known. It must come from untold years of mothering. But I wouldn't give in. I _had_ to try.

"Yes…I can. But I can't live with myself if I don't try."

She released me.

"Bella, be careful. If it looks like you're going to die…well, try not to. There's really no escaping a vampire."

Now it was her turn to glare daggers at me, but I didn't care, I needed to get out of here.

I ran, out the front door and down the porch, trying to reach my truck. Being Bella, clumsy, human Bella, I tripped around thirty times. But I made it. It would be alright, I would save Jasper…or whoever was going to be his snack. I almost gulped at the thought. It really was a suicide mission. But I had to do it. I wouldn't let what _they _did degrade us like this, taking back years (or in Jasper's case, decades) of life.

When I had gotten the keys in the ignition, cursing my shaking hands, I floored it. In most cars, this might mean 100 something miles per hour. In my case, it was bordering on 60. Still, it was faster than walking, or tripping.

I heard small _CRACK_s repeatedly as I drove through the trees, the lower branches whipping against my windscreen. As I drove, I pondered this. What the hell I was doing. Jasper and I hadn't ever had the strongest bond. Even now, after the tragedy we had shared, we knew next to nothing about each other. But I felt protective of him. This was stupid, considering that he could offer me better protection himself, and, in normal vampire-human relationships, I would need protection from him. I wanted to laugh. "Normal"?

I must be nearby now. But with my human senses, I couldn't discern anything out of the ordinary.

I drove a little further, but much more slowly now. Then I heard it. A terrified whimper, coming perhaps 20 yards to the left. I drove just a bit closer, and jumped out. I tumbled around the trees, until I finally came across her. The hiker from earlier. The blonde one. But now she had no air of arrogance, only fear etched deep into her face.

"Hello?"

She looked over at me, eyes widening.

"I'm-I'm Bella. I'm here to help." _I think._

She mouthed something. It looked like "run". Of course.

I shook my head. I had to help her. She was bleeding from her leg, two deep punctures about mid thigh looking to be the source of the blood.

I tore a piece of fabric from the bottom of my shirt, and wrapped it around her leg. It wasn't very good, but if I could get her to Carlisle…she might be okay. She might live, and maybe we could convince her it had all been a nightmare, a hallucination brought on by some other injury.

Like _he_ had been my nightmare. Like _she_ had been. They had caused this. If she died, it would rest on their heads, not Jasper's. No matter what he had done, it was an act of desperation, and he shouldn't be held responsible.

I wanted to cry again. I hated thinking of them, and I hadn't had to much, up until now. I had either been in a daze (though not as numb as the first time he had left) or, on that first day, when the world may have fallen to pieces, under Jasper's influence. If it wasn't for him, I would be in no condition to function right now. I would always be grateful for that.

I couldn't keep thinking about this. I had to get her out of here. I tried picking her up, but I couldn't take her weight. So I told her, in the most soothing voice I could manage, to lean against me, so I could help her. She did.

I started back to the car, still wondering where Jasper and Emmett were.

I didn't wonder very long.

Because there was a scream of protest as a tree was ripped from the earth, and then the sound of what seemed to be two mountains colliding.

Jasper. Emmett.

I all but shoved the hiker in the car, and was going to go back, before I thought better of it. I didn't have just myself to worry about. There was this blonde hiker. Arrogant as she was, she still didn't deserve to die because of my selfishness.

I floored it again, telling myself that I could go back as soon as I figured out what to do with her. Hopefully Carlisle would be back.

Even though it could only have been a few miles, the drive to the Cullen house seemed like the longest few minutes of my life. Thoughts of confusion, guilt and pity were swirling in my head. If only I had been better to Jasper, had helped him. If only _they_ hadn't done this to us. The weight of these thoughts, as well as the silent, shocked, terrified girl next to me made this the most tense moments of my life.

But I did it. I got there. I had lived, and so had the hiker, because Emmett had been able to successfully distract Jasper. I shuddered to think what might have happened otherwise.

Finally, finally I made it back to the house. Before I entered though, I hesitated. What if Carlisle wasn't back? If I took her inside, it might be a death sentence. While they had self control, they all struggled with their natural inclinations toward human blood.

"Esme!" I called, knowing that she could have heard me had I whispered. It still felt better to call.

She came to the door, peaking her head out. She wasn't breathing.

"Bella! You're alive. And so is…what's her name?"

I shrugged. She had never spoken a word to me. I guessed even the most confident people could be scared into silence. Which was quite an alarming thought. What was wrong with me? Why was I merely fascinated by the supernatural. Was it because of the 'different frequencies' of my mind?

"Esme…is Carlisle there? She needs a doctor, and she's got bite marks, and what if she dies?! What if she turns into vampire?"

She looked worried, but wasn't panicking. I assumed that meant he was here.

Better to make sure, though.

"Carlisle? He's here?"

She nodded, relief now battling worry in her eyes.

"Can I bring her in?"

"Of course!"

I pulled her in, almost dragging her. I assumed the reason as to why Esme wasn't helping. Even vegetarians can't resist such temptation. I remembered my birthday, and how everyone had come close to losing control over my arm. I shuddered again.

Carlisle came down the stairs, looking as worried as Esme, and I'm sure that same worry was imprinted on my own face.

"Bella, what happened?"

His voice was calm, even if his face betrayed the storm that was brewing inside.

As I explained, the hiker started to sink down into me. I looked at the couch, and asked if I could put her down. Carlisle nodded in response. Gratefully, I helped her down. She must have been only barely conscious.

Carlisle dashed upstairs, and ushered Rosalie out of the house, Esme following her. Then he got his medical equipment, and started to work on her.

I got out of the way. As worried as I was, the smell of blood still made me want to faint. I asked Carlisle if I could get some air, and he grunted in response, which I assumed, after my time with Charlie, meant yes.

But I had no intention of standing around. I was going to go back to Jasper.

* * *

**A/N: Argh. The web's been breaking down randomly, and I haven't been able to upload anything, cause it keeps freezing. A JPOV should come 'round soon.**

**Thank youu for all the reviews. :D**

**I feel loved.**

**Review, and I won't be murdered by oranges who wear ninja clothes. **

**Oh, and you'll achieve inner peace.  
**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I still don't own twilight. As far as I know, I won't own it anytime soon.**

**JPOV:**

I went back to the forest near my house to hunt.

Even though I'd told them I needed time to myself, I reconsidered after seeing the state Bella was in. She was far, far more devastated than I was. She hadn't suspected it. I had, even if I had denied the very possibility of such a thing being able to happen. She hadn't truly lived until she met Edward, hadn't had an unusual life. Then she was thrown into our world, and when he left, it must have felt as if she wasn't good enough for any of us. I always felt the inadequacy she felt; always felt the lingering doubts she had.

Emotions told so much more about a person than their thoughts ever could. People lie to themselves. People can't articulate everything they feel. But the feelings themselves? They were a window to the soul. You knew whether a person was decent or a monster, moral or criminal, by feeling what they felt. Sure, listening to their thoughts said _something_, but it was only the surface. People went much, much deeper.

And poor Bella. Even if she tried to act normal, her emotions were either haywire or completely numb. And she had nobody to lean on, nobody to support her. Edward had been the center of her universe to the point where she excluded anyone who might have been able to help her in times like these.

I had a whole family who decided to have me, the monster, over Edward and Alice, who had nearly flawless records. And I hadn't appreciated what they could do to help me until I saw that not everyone had that kind of a family. Bella was making me have revelations, even if she didn't realize it yet.

As much as she did for me, her scent still sent pools of venom down my mouth. She made my throat burn. I still couldn't discern one human from another as well as Carlisle or Esme or the rest of my family could, but I knew that Bella's blood sang to me more than any others. I didn't know how my 'brother' had been able to stand it.

I smelled elk up ahead. I focused on that smell and that smell alone, wanting to leave my head for a while. That was hard to do as a vampire because we take in so much more of the world than a human can. I followed the aroma, which I knew would never truly satisfy the intense burning I felt in the back of my throat. I knew it was hopeless to try, but what could I do? Kill a human? I could never do that to Carlisle, could I?

I was close now. I started to walk even more softly, though this was entirely unnecessary. Vampires moved as swiftly and silently as a shadow without putting any effort into it. Still, I liked to feel as if this were a challenge. I almost missed my days in the war—the human one—and had yet to feel as satisfying a feeling as the one I felt when I rose through the ranks or won a battle. Ever since my change, the challenges I faced were either too gruesome to feel satisfaction, or were a test of my willpower. I didn't think I'd ever be able to overcome that one.

I pounced, now only about ten feet away from the herd. I sank my teeth into their warm throats, feeling the pulse of blood ease the terrible yearning, if only slightly.

The only problem was that now my blood lust had increased. Now I wanted more. Needed more. It was uncontrollable.

I set off again, going a little more towards the house. I must have only been a few miles away now.

And then I smelled her. Heard her voice. A hiker. Talking to Emmett? _So I am close_.

He turned her away from the house, feeling amused and concerned, mostly. She was greatly offended. But she was a human. And my mind almost shut down, all I could think about was how I needed her blood, and nothing else mattered right now.

I couldn't. I wouldn't.

I ran away, maybe covering a mile in just a few seconds, before I stopped. At least I could breathe in cleaner air.

But damn it! She was heading this way.

Why fight what I am?

What's the point?

I was gone, there was no going back. I'd made my decision, and I _was_ going to hunt a human. No, she didn't deserve it. But life…life isn't fair. And her's was about to end.

I lay in wait behind a tree. She was now maybe fifty feet away.

Forty feet.

Thirty feet.

I pounced.

I had landed a little short, and didn't crush her right off. Instead, she flew backwards, hitting a rock, causing her to bleed. Venom literally dripped from my mouth. I moved towards her, wanting to savor the moment. The undoing of the self control I'd worked so hard to keep, even if nobody believed that I was actually trying. Let them doubt me. I suppose they had reason to now.

I sank my teeth into her leg, where she'd cut herself. The blood was like the sweetest ambrosia. It was my first drop in ages, and I felt like a dead man come alive. Ha. I wish I were a live man gone dead. But I could never go back, could never end the conflict I dealt with. Well, I wasn't exactly dealing with it here.

Fear, acceptance, arrogance.

She was still feeling arrogance; I hadn't taken that much blood.

Maybe I should work fast—_Crack!_

It felt as if I had been crushed by a rock, one so heavy that it could even topple me.

Emmett. Of course. I'd been so wrapped up; I hadn't realized what I was doing. I struggled, trying to throw him off of me, but failing miserably.

And then I smelled _her._ Bella.

Oh, god. What if she saw this? Another Cullen, letting her down.

I ran, Emmett hard on my tail.

I didn't care about getting my fix anymore; I just needed to leave, to get as far away as possible from my family. I had wanted so badly to go back to them earlier, to feel their love and support, but now I was scared of their disappointment.

"Dude. Stop, please?"

"Emmett…"

I stopped. Looked around. We must have run almost twenty miles.

"Jasper, we don't blame you. Stop feeling so ashamed. Everyone has problems."

"How…how do you know what I'm feeling right now?"

"It's rolling off of you. As far as I know, I've got nothing to be ashamed of." He grinned.

"Of course," I muttered. I'd almost forgotten how I affected others.

"Did…did Bella see?" Did anyone else see?"

And now I felt a vast amount of amusement, and sympathy. I could never ask for a better brother.

"No. Though she did hear me break the window…"

I wanted to laugh. Esme was going to kill him.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Woo! 15 chapters.**

**Next one will be a JPOV too, I just wanted to give you something to hold you over. :]  
**

**And no, Jasper didn't have an affair with random hiker chick. She was just in the wrong place/wrong time.**

**Ty to Dragonsdeathangel, Lunareclipse1, JK5959, and everyone else who reviews. **

**Just to reiterate,  
**

**There's no love triangle. **

**:D**

**Oh, and review and you shall...be deemed 'spiffy'.**

**[is it just me, or do you love the font that you've gotta use here? I like the quotes. x.x]**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: Hasn't changed.**

**JPOV: **

Emmett and I walked a little further, and then turned back. We were in a comfortable silence; Emmett was still throwing off sympathy and humor, as well as relief. I was nervous, about what the family would do when they found out, but I was trying to contain it better than I had my feelings of shame.

Of course, Emmett being Emmett, he broke the silence when he stopped and told me to go sit on a tree trunk.

"Jasper, just sit there a minute. I'll be right back."

I sensed anxiety and determination. What could he be doing?

I didn't wonder for long, for he soon returned with an armload of deer.

Of course.

"Look, you have to eat it. When we come across the place where…well, anyway, you can't lose control again."

Didn't he understand that I didn't drink her to fill myself up? That it was her smell, her flavor that drove me to the brink of insanity? Nobody else had as much trouble as me, but they should at least know _why_ I had the trouble that I did.

I couldn't take it out on him though. So I took the deer and sucked them dry, grimacing at the taste. I wondered if my eyes had turned red from what I'd done earlier.

"Happy?" Alright, I wasn't doing a great job containing my anger. But damn…if they wanted me to control myself, they needed to have confidence. Every time they doubted me, I felt it, and I doubted myself. My resolve would weaken.

But he just nodded and took off at a run back to the house. Sighing, I followed him.

We were going slower than we had when we'd come here. I was able to see and take in my surroundings completely. And that's when I noticed the other smell, and the accompanying heartbeat.

Bella?

I slowed down. Emmett was already out of sight, and I hadn't even noticed until now. I would have sprinted to catch up with him, but I was still somewhat offended at the deer incident. And, if I was being honest with myself, I wanted to see what Bella could be doing so far from the house. _Had_ she seen what I'd done? I had left the hiker as quickly as I could, as soon as I had smelled Bella. I didn't want to ruin her trust in all of us. But maybe I hadn't been fast enough.

She was heading towards me now. And…she was covered in the blood of that other human; the one I'd almost…

_Stop, Jasper._

I decided to follow her, to see where she was headed. She wouldn't notice me. Edward may have been the fast one, but I was the sneakiest, the quietist in a race that was already as close to silent as you could get.

I jumped into a tree, easily perching in one of the branches. I liked it up here. I felt protected, and as if I could see everything in the world.

She was about four trees away now, stumbling around a little. There were lots of loose tree roots and branches littering the floor, and Bella wasn't the most coordinated person even in the best of environments. This must be hell for her. So what was she doing?

I jumped to the next tree, wanting to be closer. It reminded me so much of the time I'd watched her as she slept. Of course, then I had felt like some sort of crazed stalker, but I had been too fascinated to tear myself away. I wondered how Edward had watched her so often before she knew about it, and not have felt as conflicted as I had.

Bella looked ready to give up. In fact, she sat down on a log, her head buried in her arms.

She was nervous, angry, excited, determined, hopeless, and sad and still in a lingering sense of agony.

Crap.

I couldn't have her feeling like this, not because of me. Because what else could explain the confusing torrent of emotion that was swirling around her?

I wiped my hands on my pants, trying to get rid of any blood. I was going to apologize for what I'd done, and I didn't want to be covered in blood. I didn't want to scare her off before I'd had a chance to redeem myself.

I jumped down, still silent, and took a long route through the trees so I could creep up behind her. I slid next to her on the log, and felt a huge amount of surprise, shock, fright, anger and relief.

I could understand the first emotions, but relief? Why would she be relieved to see me?

"…Bella? Bella, darlin', please don't be scared. I'll leave if you want…"

_Please, please don't ask me to leave._

Her heart skipped a beat. But she just stared at me. Then she scowled, and said "Well, when you sneak up on me in the middle of a forest, what do you expect?"

I wasn't sure whether to laugh or beg for forgiveness. I went for the latter.

"I'm sorry, darlin'. I'll make a racket next time, just so you know I'm coming." I grinned, hoping to receive some sort of positive reaction.

She smiled back, that twitch of a smile.

"So…what are you doing in the forest? Don't tell me that Bella's ditching?" I didn't really care what we talked about, so long as she stayed. I couldn't deal with it if she ran away from me. Like she should.

There was that twitch of a smile again, though. "After…_them_...I couldn't…I couldn't face anyone. They'd just gossip, and it would be…" She didn't finish, but I knew what she wanted to say was 'a living hell'.

The sadness was creeping in on her again, and I cursed myself for being so tactless. Stupid, stupid Jasper. Always so selfish.

I sent a wave of calm to her though, and she looked up, narrowed her eyes, and then smiled again.

I searched her emotions, and behind the calmness I'd given her was still sadness, but there was relief again, and then an overwhelming curiosity.

"What are you wondering about?" I only half hoped for an answer. In the short time I had known Bella, I learned she was an incredibly private person, and that she hated being read. I was both reading her emotions and questioning her, so there probably wasn't much chance.

Then again, Bella surprised me every day. "Well…" Now she was nervous again, and ashamed.

"Bella…you can ask me anything. I'll answer you, if I can. Please, darlin'?" Maybe I could dazzle it out of her, though the effect was probably lessened since I was covered in blood, and should, by all rights, be scaring her to death.

But her heart skipped a couple of beats, and she answered.

"How did you stop when…the hiker…she wasn't dead…"

Oh.

Maybe I should have left it alone.

But I had promised her, and I'd answer.

"I don't know, exactly. I think it might've been….well, it might have been you…" Damn it. I was nervous, not knowing at all how she'd react to this, and my answer had come out in a southern drawl. Nobody had ever made me as nervous as she had, and nobody had ever heard as much of my southern accent as she had, save for maybe Maria…but I didn't want to think of her and Bella...didn't want Bella to have anything to do with Maria, even if it was just in my thoughts.

But Bella showed surprise, tenderness, and sympathy, completely throwing me off guard. I would have expected something like anger or pity.

"…Me?"

I nodded, not able to meet her eyes. "I thought…I thought if I killed her…well, you might have lost all faith in the Cullens. We're not all as bad as Ed—them. We don't want to make you terrified of us."

Finally, I looked up at her, scared of what I'd see.

She looked touched.

"It must have been almost impossible…" It sounded more like she was talking to herself, so I didn't reply. But I felt her appreciation, and that sent me over the moon. At least I hadn't disappointed everyone.

"But you should know…I bit her. I couldn't stop…" She had to know the full story.

"I know…Carlisle should be taking out the venom right now, if he hasn't already…and he hopes to convince her she fell, hit her head and dreamed the whole thing. Either way, it's not as if anyone would believe her if she mentioned it. She'd probably be laughed at."

Bella was trying to reassure me, I could feel that. And now it was my turn to feel the greatest appreciation for her. But there was one more thing I had to know.

"Why were you so angry? I mean…before I made you jump out of your skin."

She twitched her lips again in her version of a smile. I wanted to kill Edward for what he'd done. Even if he had found happiness, and even if part of me would always care about him as family, he had broken Bella. She wouldn't smile a full smile, and her cheeks were almost colorless, when they would usually be filled with a rosy blush.

_Why are you thinking of her like that?_

"Esme."

"Esme?" Now I was thoroughly confused. How could Esme make anyone so angry?

"She wouldn't let me leave the house. I kept trying to go, when I'd heard Emmett destroy almost a whole side of the house. But she kept saying it was hopeless, but I knew it wasn't, and I couldn't believe that she'd have so little faith…"

"Wait…what was hopeless?"

She paused, just for a second, but I could feel regret and shame and anger.

"She said I'd never be able to find you. That I'd die trying…"

It was nice to know the faith reserved for me. Not like I could blame them.

"Bella…Bella…she was right. You might have died. I wasn't in the best of control. I'm a monster, you've got to understand that. That I could hurt you."

"But you didn't. And if you did…I know you wouldn't mean to. It's what you are."

I was dumbfounded. To almost any human, or vampire, for that matter, the motivation wouldn't matter. Dead is dead. But Bella had an incredibly unique view of the world.

I let out a sigh of confusion, and right away I felt Bella's pain redouble. She muttered something like 'I knew I shouldn't have said anything' under her breath.

"Bella. Please, darlin'. Don't be sad. I'm just amazed. I'm not angry at you, I could never be. You just think so differently…"

She twitched a smile, letting me know I was forgiven.

"My mind's always been on a different frequency." She frowned slightly as she said this.

"That's nothing to be ashamed of. You should cherish it, be proud."

She sighed and said "I suppose so…" before standing up.

"I should probably bring you back…the girl should be gone by now, and Esme will want to see you're still alive…"

And for the first time that day she let out a real smile.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Review, and...you'll get a piece of gum free in the mail. Only 20$ shipping and handling, of course.**

**Oh, and hiker won't sparkle.**

**She was just kinda there for some plot.  
**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: **

**My hallucination: Mwahaha, I've devised an ingenious machine, designed to steal the rights to twilight and everything associated with it!**

**My reality: Nope. Still don't own twilight.  
**

**BPOV:**

It had seemed like an age before I had found Jasper.

Al l the problems my clumsiness already posed to me were magnified by all the damned twigs and branches that covered the forest floor. It was like a minefield, and I was amazed that I didn't get any cuts. I did wreck the knees of my jeans though. But _she_ had been the only person I knew who'd obsess over that, and _she_ wasn't here anymore. I think I'd miss that; her constant worrying over my wardrobe. I'd know for sure that I'd miss her exuberance. But after what she'd done…

I shook my head to clear it. I couldn't be thinking of this, I had to focus on finding Jasper in this forest (which, I swear, had been created to kill me).

After what felt like an hour, I found a log in the middle of the floor. It was closely surrounded in the back by some trees, whose spider-like branches helped block out the sun. It was incredibly peaceful, and as I plopped down on the log, I tried to clear my head of all negativity. If Jasper were nearby it would be certain to affect him. Calming down was easier said than done, though.

I was still angry over the Esme incident. I couldn't believe she'd have so little faith in Jasper. Didn't they understand how hard it was for him? Even I could see it. Yet on that day…the one where _they…_did what they did, he was there for me. The stress probably made it more difficult to control himself, but he not only did that, he calmed me down. I wished he were here now though. I had broken the promise I'd made to myself not to wallow in grief; I could feel the old current of agony going through me. Jasper would've been able to calm me down.

As I was sitting there, lost in thought, trying to calm myself down, I almost jumped out of my skin. A cold body brushed mine and was now sitting next to me. What if it was James?! Or…one of _them?_ Either way, I was terrified. I turned around; facing what could be my death. Only to see…Jasper.

I felt a wave of relief wash over me, and Jasper hadn't sent it. I was just that grateful to see him. It had seemed like I would never find him, and here he was, in the cold, granite flesh. But that didn't stop me from being pissed at him for nearly scaring me out of my mind.

I wasn't going to talk to him at first, after my day of traipsing around the forest, only to find him doing okay. Well, he did look a little upset. Great. Now my resolve was starting to crumble.

And then he had to talk to me in that southern accent of his, which I had heard a lot lately. Never before _them_ had I heard him use it, but then again, I hadn't heard him speak much at all. He begged me to stay, and that made my heart skip a beat. He still wanted something to do with me? Even after what I must remind him of?

But I wasn't going to let him off that easy. He _did _scare me half to death.

I had to smile at his response though. And his next question. How could he expect me to go to school after what happened? It seemed as if he was trying to prolong his time here, as if he were reluctant to go back home, and I could understand why. There would be an overwhelming amount of pity, and maybe some deep-buried disappointment. It would be awful to deal with that. If I had to, I would do anything I could to stay away.

I couldn't help but wondering though…how Jasper had stopped. _He_ had told me that there was the chance that _he_ could attack me had I gone hunting with him, and _he_ supposedly loved me more than anything. He might have, too, at the time he told me this. And if he couldn't have stopped attacking me, what was the chance that Jasper could stop attacking a random hiker?

He must have sensed my curiosity, because he asked me to explain. I would've refused, normally. I hated being so open, especially since I had no idea whether Jasper hated me or not, whether he actually wanted to know, or if he just didn't want to go back. But I couldn't refuse him. He had a perfectly acceptable reason to want to avoid going back, if that was the case. And if it wasn't, then he was genuinely interested. It didn't hurt that he asked in that southern twang of his, the one that seemed to make my heart skip a beat every time he used it. I was a sucker for accents.

When he told me that _I _had stopped him, I was floored. How could Jasper, who didn't care one way or the other about me, who might have even disliked me for causing so much unrest in the family, stop attacking an innocent because of me?

So…maybe he didn't hold anything against me? He seemed to want me to keep my faith in the family, at any rate. That was incredibly sweet of him; especially considering the severe lack of faith they held in him.

Of course, he had to go and ask why I was angry. I answered before I could think much, and I'm sure it came out in a jumble. But he ended up finding out. I was sure that now he'd get angry with me, too. _He_ would have killed me for going out in such a risk, one that had been forewarned to me. But Jasper started to blame himself. I tried to reassure him, but he just sighed. I clearly wasn't helping.

Bu then…he said I amazed him. I would have blushed, but my body seemed to have forgotten how, just like it had forgotten how to smile a real smile.

Still, that greatly lifted my spirits. And when he said that we should go show Esme how I was still alive, I had to grin. I suppose I might have laughed, but I was much too far gone to do that. Considering that I thought I had forgotten how, a grin was huge progress for me.

"Um…Jasper?"

He glanced down at me, a questioning look in his eyes. They seemed to reflect all of the forest, everything around him, in an amber sphere. It was a stunning sight.

_Wait. Why am I thinking of him like that…?_

"Is there a quicker way back to the house?" I remembered my journey here, and was extremely reluctant to repeat it.

"Well…I could run with you." A smile played at his lips. Stupid vampires and their passion for running.

"Erm. Is that the only way? No…offense or anything. I just don't like feeling like I'm going to pass out when I've got to prove to Esme that I'm alive and well."

Now he laughed. "I'll hold you close, darlin'. And there aren't _that_ many trees in the way."

My heart skipped a beat, again. This time it was a combination of that southern accent and the mention of trees. What if he _did_ crash into them?

"Or we could walk," he said, probably sensing my nervousness.

I groaned. Either way was going to be bad, so I might as well not have to suffer through this death trap of a forest on my own two feet. I'd probably arrive covered in scratches, and that wouldn't represent 'alive and unharmed' very well. Plus, we could prove to Esme that Jasper _could_ be in close proximity to me. Even if he was holding his breath.

"Okay, running it is."

He grinned, obviously amused.

I narrowed my eyes at him, but he sent amusement towards me, and I ended smiling, a little bigger than my twitch of a smile that had become so normal.

Stupid vampire.

He picked me up. I expected to be slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes; like _he _done. But he picked me up gently, and held me close to his chest. He hadn't been kidding when he'd said he would hold me close. His chest was like granite, like every vampire's chest was, but it somehow felt softer than _his_ had been, than _her's _had been.

At least I could still breathe. He had stopped; it was probably a huge effort to spend this much time so close to me and now we were even closer.

He started to run, and I tucked my head even closer into his chest, shutting my eyes tighter. My past experiences with being carried by vampires as they ran had left me almost terrified.

"Bella, it's alright. We're in view of the house…I'm slowin' down now."

He wasn't lying. He was gradually slowing down, and then I couldn't hear the wind rushing by anymore. He put me down, and I steadied myself. I didn't feel nearly as ill as I had the last time…

And then it hit me. He had started breathing to reassure me. That must have been hell. I sent him a huge wave of gratitude and relief. I couldn't articulate my appreciation; where would I begin? But he'd feel it, and hopefully that would be enough.

We walked up to the massive front door, and Jasper stiffened beside me. What could be wrong? I couldn't smell the rust and salt of blood, so I knew the hiker was gone already.

I opened it, and he followed me inside. We walked slowly into the living room, not knowing what to expect.

It seemed like they were waiting for us. Esme and Carlisle had the couch, Emmett and Rosalie had the armchairs.

I gave a hesitant wave, and Rosalie nodded slightly. Emmett was staring at Rosalie, not looking at us. Carlisle and Esme hadn't moved.

I looked up at Jasper, completely confused.

He looked angry, but…it seemed like he was hurt. I didn't know why I thought this, it was just a feeling I had.

"Well, I'm not dead."

Esme finally addressed me.

"Yes, but Bella dear, you could have been. What would happen if he had killed you? We'd have to move, he'd be distraught…"

I felt crushing disappointment swell inside me. I hadn't thought of that. But still…I knew what I had done was right.

"Esme…he didn't even kill the hiker. She was fine in the end…right?"

I realized that I didn't, in fact, know the fate of that girl, but she hadn't seemed too badly off when I'd left her. Scared and injured, yes. But it couldn't have been fatal, could it?

Carlisle answered me this time, seeming a little more relaxed than anyone else in the room. It seemed as if he was trying to appease his wife by being so distant to us.

"Yes, she was alright. I removed all the venom, patched up her wounds, and told her that she'd fallen and hit her head. I explained that she might have experienced hallucinations, as the portion of the head that was injured corresponded to the part of the brain that controls hallucinations and dreams."

I sighed in relief. Then I looked towards Emmett and Rosalie, who had not said a word to us.

"Emmett…?"

He looked back at me, worry still evident in his eyes.

"Bella…I finally saw her. She looked bad. I mean, I know she was fine, and that's good. But…what if that had been you? I think of you as a sister. And you went looking for him…even though you knew what had happened to the girl?"

I wanted to cry out in frustration. Didn't they see that I was unscathed? That Jasper wouldn't have hurt me? Didn't they care that he had stopped hurting that hiker after he'd gotten some of her blood? How impossible that must have been?

But I didn't trust myself to voice any of these questions. I was getting too angry, and since I seemed to cry whenever I became enraged, I didn't think I'd be able to explain anything without looking psychotic.

Jasper saved the day. I should've known. He sent me a rush of calm, pushing all the annoyance and anger to the back of my mind, allowing me to articulate what I wanted to say. I smiled at him, extremely grateful.

"Look…Jasper didn't hurt me. Not at all. In fact, he got me to smile. He let me forget about everything that had been worrying me today. And you should all know…with maybe the exception of Carlisle…how hard it is to stop drinking once you start. But as soon as he saw me there, he ran away. It's not like he doesn't try to control himself. He does…"

They all looked surprised, but nobody said anything. For several seconds, the room was silent.

And then Jasper spoke.

"Bella's right, you know. I wouldn't have hurt her. Hell, I managed to carry her here from the forest, at least three miles. She doesn't have a scratch on her. But if you don't want me to see her, if you're that worried, then fine, I won't. But you should maybe ask her what she wants, what she thinks is right and wrong, safe and unsafe, before deciding for her. She's not like any other human. She knows what we are, what I did to that girl, and still came looking for me. I saw her, trying so hard to find me. That's more than most you did, and there was no risk to you."

Wait. He saw me wandering around the forest, and didn't come out right away? Stupid vampire.

But then I thought of everything else he'd said, in what was perhaps the longest speech I'd ever heard him make. He seemed to know me so well, knew that I hated to be suffocated, knew that I liked to be able to decide for myself. All things that _he_ had never let me do.

I shot him an admiring glance. It would be difficult to argue against what he had said.

Esme sighed in defeat. "I suppose we haven't thought about what the two of you just said," she murmured.

Carlisle gave us a slight smile.

Emmett looked a bit guilty, but still stubborn, if that was possible.

And Rosalie…was unreadable. She sat there, looking more like a statue than the rest of them ever had.

I glanced at the clock on the mantle of their fireplace, and gasped aloud.

"Oh, god. Charlie's going to be back soon, in about half an hour."

"I'll take you," said Jasper and Esme simultaneously.

"Bella? Who do you want?" asked Emmett.

"Um. Jasper? Will you be okay to take me? Sorry, Esme. It's just that there's something else I wanted to ask about, and I don't know when I'll see him next…"

She nodded, an understanding look on her face. Maybe what Jasper and I had told them had had an effect. At least, it looked like it had on Esme.

"Okay, then should we go? Charlie thinks I'm too sick to leave my bed, so I'd like to get back before he thinks otherwise."

Jasper nodded, and we went to the garage. I looked around for his car, before realizing I didn't know what it was.

"Um…Jasper?"

He sensed my confusion, and the reason behind it.

"We're going to have to run again…it's at the other edge of the forest."

I gulped.

"C'mon. It wasn't so bad last time, was it?"

Well, I had to give him that.

"Okay then. I'm ready." I tried flashing him a smile, but after all the tension in the room it came out as a twitch, a grimace.

He didn't seem to mind though, and once again, he picked me up and held me close to his chest. He took off at a run, but I didn't notice. I was too preoccupied with what had happened earlier.

I couldn't believe that the lot of them had had so little faith in Jasper. Well, I didn't know for sure what Rosalie was feeling, but she wasn't exactly standing up for us.

All of a sudden we stopped, and Jasper put me down. He dashed off, and a second later came driving up in what had to be an insanely expensive car. I noticed by the hood ornament that it was a Jaguar, and my jaw wanted to drop.

"Bella? Darlin'? You alright?"

"Y-yeah. Nice car…"

He laughed. Out here, away from all the disappointment and tension, I felt better, and it seemed he did, too.

I climbed in, and we took off towards my house, leaving all the drama swirling in the leaves kicked up by the car's tires.

* * *

**A/N: Wow, 100 reviews! Well, 103, but still, a landmark for me.**

**And this is my longest chapter yet. **

**Oh, and CaffinH, just let me know when you do post it. Remind me, and I'll check it out. :]**

**Thanks to everyone else who reviewed, and I hope you all enjoyed the non-existent gum..  
**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**See that button down there? The one with something like 'Review' marked on it? Click it! You'll rule the world...kind of.  
**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I'd say I owned twilight, but I don't think that the 99 cent store was serious when they sold me the rights. Ah, well.**

**JPOV:**

I was astounded that they had reacted so badly. Call me crazy, but I'd have thought that my family would have shown more compassion. And I didn't ever even begin to fathom that the one person who seemed to understand what I was going through, the one person who had never experienced the insatiable craving for blood, would be a human. And not just any human, but my brother's ex-girlfriend, and my ex-wife's ex-best friend. The world works in strange ways. Of course, I had stumbled across this epiphany long ago.

And now, after being smothered by surprise, disappointment, and pity, it was relaxing to just be near Bella. While her emotions were like a hailstorm, they mirrored mine. And there was no pity, no judgment to be found. Only concern towards me. Interesting…

She also seemed to know the vast amount of effort I put into controlling myself, and had, in fact, voiced her opinion on the matter to my coven. I hadn't expected that. So I'd tried to return the favor, pointing out that perhaps 'the human' should make her own decisions. I had noticed, since almost the day I met her, how much she hated to have her life, her future, planned out for her with no consent from her end. Anyone would hate that. Anyone _should_ hate that. So why was it so hard to not do it to the one person who deserved it least of all? Because I believed in that. Bella was one of those few people in the world who had a pure heart, who would willingly sacrifice everything she could to make others happy. Yet she seemed to attract the most trouble, seemed to be the target for pain from all the selfish and sadistic people who plagued the world.

But at least when she was around me, she would smile. Even if ninety percent of the time that 'smile' was nothing more than a grimace, it was genuine. I was glad to be able to do that for her, to be something other than a monster, something other than the person who needed to be protected from himself.

And now she was next to me in the car, though it wouldn't last for long. I had to get her back to her house, before Charlie came home and realized she had spent the day gallivanting with vampires. She seemed incredibly nervous that he'd find out, but I personally thought he would just be relieved to see her in better spirits, if only slightly.

Even more amazing than the level of trust she had in me, being willing to ride in my car, next to the man (well, vampire) who'd almost killed her on her last birthday, was that she'd allowed me to run with her. I'd heard many a complaint from Edward that she was an absolute coward when it came to this. Honestly, I couldn't imagine any other reaction being normal. Humans shouldn't be used to being in the arms of someone going so fast that they were barely visible to the naked eye. Still, she seemed comfortable enough with me. I'd held her as tightly as I could without crushing her, or stopping her from breathing. I couldn't imagine Edward doing that, given his obsession with as little contact as possible between them, so it was little wonder she'd have felt uncomfortable in the past.

I decided I needed to break the silence that had been caused by my musings.

"Bella?"

"Mhm?"

"Are you…alright? I hoped what I said back there was alright…I didn't mean to speak for you."

She smiled slightly, probably knowing that I was just searching for conversation. I'd felt her appreciation when I'd given this rant; and as she was remarkably observant, she knew that I knew that she appreciated the speech I'd made to defend her.

"Jasper, it was…you have no idea how thankful I am. I don't think I'd have been able to get up the courage to do that." She frowned for a second though, and irritation took over her emotions. "But…you saw me wandering around in the forest and didn't help me?"

I looked at her in surprise. "Bella, darlin', I thought you'd be a little more frightened of me than some branches. Although…they seemed to hurt you more than I did."

Understanding poured over her, and a little amusement. "Jasper. I think that objects which block my path while I'm walking have done much more harm to me than anything in the supernatural world."

I wanted to frown at this. What about James? And while not physical, what _they'd_ done to her had shattered her world. I wasn't sure she'd ever recover from it. Not to mention that I'd almost mauled a hiker, a _human_ hiker. I mean…I don't think I would've hurt Bella, but she couldn't know that; even I wasn't a hundred percent positive.

But Bella was making a joke, which was a huge step to recovery. Then again, I might have been releasing calm into the air. It was only a little, but I wanted to keep Bella's fear and hysteria away. I couldn't bear to have her breakdown…I didn't want to lose control of my emotions, or of my willpower. Not again, and not to Bella.

These thoughts had flitted across my mind in mere seconds, and she couldn't have noticed my hesitation before I cracked a smile at her.

All too soon, we arrived at her house. I didn't want to leave her in a house where she'd have to keep all her emotions to herself, for fear of scaring Charlie. And I didn't think she'd be so willing to let me spend the day in her room, keeping her calm. Keeping me calm.

But there was nothing I could do.

As soon as we pulled up to the curb outside her house, I could hear Charlie a few blocks away. He was just slowing to a stop, presumably because of a red light. My eyes widened slightly, and Bella either noticed this or felt the anticipation rolling off of me, because she widened her eyes too.

"Jasper…thank you…" It looked like she wanted to say more, but she simply slammed the door and ran to the front door, miraculously not tripping.

I drove away, in the opposite direction of Charlie, was now approaching the house quickly.

This made me ponder what to do next. Should I go to my house, and deal with all the shock and condemnation, which would no doubt still be hanging heavily in the air? No. Even I, who fought in the most gruesome wars in American history (both human and vampiric) couldn't face them. I'd tried so, so hard not to let them down. At first, it was because I couldn't deal with the suffering I caused my victims, couldn't deal with the rush of emotions I felt as I stole their lives. Then it was Alice who'd kept me afloat, and eventually it had been my family. Regardless of the little faith they had in stock for me, I didn't want to let them down. It was just my nature.

Sighing as I recalled my failure, I decided to take a drive up the coast. It had always relaxed me in the past. The environment was so different from the South, where all my negative memories were held. Well, not all of them, not anymore. But those were the ones that, had I been able to sleep, would keep me up at night.

As I let the salty air of Washington calm me down, I realized that it would be incredibly difficult to go back home. But I didn't want to just run off to another state, or anywhere far away. I needed to make sure Bella would be alright. Maybe I should find an apartment somewhere. Even a house would do, but I wanted to pay in cash. I figured I could buy an already furnished apartment, and still have enough left for clothes and whatever utilities I'd need to pay, before I ran too low on cash. I needed to pay in cash so that my family couldn't find me so easily. They'd be able to trace a credit card. And while I had enough to buy a house, just using cash, it would look suspicious. And would mean that I'd have to go back 'home' to get the rest of it. Hmm. I had to wonder how our family's fortune would be affected without someone who could see future stock trends.

Grinning at the thought of bankrupt Cullens (the absurdity!) I turned around and began my hunt for apartments.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the long time it took to update. I've been pretty bad about it.. :l**

**It's spring break, and I kind of had writers block for this fic. I'm starting another one though. :D**

**Still, I hope you like the chapter, and will review.**

**You know you wanna.**

**And if you do...I'll especially mention every single one of ya in my next A/N. And you'll get brownies. Special brownies.  
**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: Let's break it down, shall we?**

**Dis-not, any number of negative-meaning definitions.  
**

**Claim-to own, to make claim to  
**

**Er-Thingy added to the end of a word to make it...a noun. Or something. Also a noise you make, similar to Um.**

**Okay, so maybe that's not it exactly. But you get the point. :p**

**BPOV: **

As soon as Jasper dropped me off, I all but sprinted to the house. Charlie could be back literally any second, and I didn't want him knowing that I'd been at the Cullens' house all day. No reason to drive him crazy. I was already there, and I'm sure that was enough for one household.

In my desperate race to the front door, I managed not to fall flat on my face. This was a huge accomplishment for me, but I didn't have the time to revel in it. Even though my hearing was merely human, I could hear Charlie's cruiser coming up to the driveway.

I found the note that I'd left earlier and crumpled it, stuffing it in my pocket. It would be incredibly stupid to leave such evidence lying around.

I took the stairs two at a time, and finally managed to get to the second floor landing. I threw open the bedroom door and this time I did end up falling. At least I was quiet about it. I would have to check myself for scrapes later, however, because now I needed to throw on a pair of pajamas. I tossed the clothes I'd worn earlier today on the rocking chair in the corner. I had yet to cover it up, though I sorely needed to do so. Now that its usual occupant was no longer interested in me, the empty chair taunted me at night, presenting me with a vision of what could have been. What should have been? But how could I believe that our love was meant for each other? It was quite clear that Edward was far better suited to Alice; they were both inhuman perfection personified. I was ordinary. But…how could Alice leave Jasper? His looks were even more breathtaking than Edward's, yet he seemed so much more down to earth.

Wait…why was I thinking of _Jasper_ like that? Again…

I sighed in frustration and shook my head to clear it. Charlie had come into the house now, I'd heard the door creak open, and I needed to get into bed before he came up to check on me.

By the time he did come in, pushing the door open softly, I was trying my best to pretend to be asleep. I don't know how well I was acting, but it seemed to convince him, because, after pausing for a moment, he lumbered back down the stairs. Soon I heard the microwave _ding!_ and the television turn on. I guess my acting skills were improving.

I stayed in bed for about half an hour longer, trying to clear my head from the swirling thoughts that threatened to overwhelm me. Then, I decided that it had been long enough to go down to greet Charlie.

I made my way down the stairs slowly, a huge contrast to the frantic race I'd run earlier. Charlie was completely absorbed in some game or other that was playing, so he only noticed my presence when he heard the fridge door open.

"Bella? You're awake?"

I was tempted to tell him that I was, in fact, sleepwalking. But I decided against it. "Yeah…sorry I was out for so long. I just felt so tired, and…"

"It's alright. Everyone has days when they feel under the weather."

I turned away from the fridge, not finding anything of interest, and smiled at him in thanks.

"So, how was your day, dad? Did you catch any serial killers?"

I'd meant it as a joke, but immediately his face turned grave and a worried crease appeared on his brow.

"To be honest, Bells, there's been some trouble with one. Remember those wolf attacks?"

I nodded, not wanting to point out that the wolves were actually shape shifters, and that the real culprits had been vampires. There was no need to go and get myself institutionalized.

"Well, there've been more bodies found, killed in the same way. We never did catch the wolves last time, but the attacks had stopped for such a long time…" He trailed off, clearly not wanting to scare me. I didn't want him to feel guilty about it though, so I smiled a little.

"Don't worry. I'll stay out of the woods. As much as I love hiking through the maze-like forest, it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."

He laughed now, and I was glad that I'd successfully lightened the mood.

"You do that, Bells. Want some spaghetti? I reheated some earlier. It's not exactly gourmet, but I'm sure you don't feel like cooking."

"Sure, I'll have some. Where is it? If it's cold, I'll need to re-reheat it."

"On the counter behind you."

"Thanks."

Our conversation had obviously dissolved, but that suited me just fine. I wasn't ever in a particularly talkative mode, and in my aching for the two people I cared about, the desire had nearly vanished.

As I watched the bowl turn around in the microwave (it had indeed been cold), Charlie broke the silence.

"You gonna feel up for school tomorrow?"

What a question. On a physical level, after knowing that the Cullens were staying this time, my chest no longer felt like it was going to rip in half. The hole that had been created by the disappearance of _them_ was much more controlled at this reassurance. And, despite what I had told Charlie, I had no bug, no cough, no stomach ache.

However, on a mental level, I knew the whispers and stares that I'd get when I returned would probably drive me to the point of tears. Or, I might be driven back to my numbness. I really didn't want either. But they would be worse if I stayed at home for too long. But what was too long?

I paused for a second before answering, weighing the pros and cons, trying to decide.

"I think I should…we actually have these high school exit exams, and having to make them up is a pain."

"…Exit exams? In…March?"

I wanted to laugh at the incredulity in his voice. We'd all reacted the same way, completely confused, especially as it was only _early_ March. But I'd only just remembered them; with all the other drama that seemed to surround me wherever I went, I'd almost completely spaced them.

"Yeah. They're supposed to be easy enough, but, like I said, they're also a pain to make up. So I should go in."

"Alright then. You wanna study or something?"

"Naw, I should be okay."

The microwave went _ding!_ for the second time that day, and I grabbed the bowl of spaghetti and wolfed it down.

It was already dark outside by the time I finished, and talked to Charlie a little more. I was exhausted from the day's events, so I couldn't wait to retreat to the comfort of my bed.

--------------------------------------------------------

The alarm rang at six thirty, the shrill beeping rousing me from an uneasy sleep.

I groaned and rolled over, before stretching and climbing out of bed. I jumped in the shower, taking quite a short time, and put on jeans and a t-shirt.

I made sure I had a number two pencil in my bag, and I grabbed a bowl of cereal before heading to my car.

As usual, it was raining, but at least it had the decency to not be bucketing down.

Still, that didn't stop the wind from biting, tearing through my sweater. I hadn't been able to find my raincoat, and I didn't want to be late. Stupid as the exams may be, they were rather strict about tardiness.

I knew from the assignment sheets last week that I'd be taking the test in the cafeteria. They grouped the students alphabetically, so I knew that Jessica would be there too. Great.

I entered the building, and had to adjust to the unfamiliarity of the situation. The usually bustling room, filled with the aromas of food and sounds of laughter and conversation, was now nearly silent. Only a few brave souls dared to whisper among themselves; the rest of the people were too frightened by the glare of the man who I assumed was the proctor.

I found an empty table, off in the corner. I dearly hoped that nobody would join me. Everyone here was staring, I could feel their eyes, but I had my back turned to them.

After a few minutes of this, the man cleared his throat and glared at the talking students once more.

"I'm Mr. Jarvey. I'll be the proctor for this test. If you talk after I hand out the booklets, you're out, and you fail. That means you don't get out of high school, understand?"

We all nodded; even those who'd been talking earlier were a bit scared now. This guy seemed like he wanted us to fail.

He walked through all the tables and threw a booklet and answer sheet down in front of each student.

"Now, I hope you all have number two pencils?"

A few students widened their eyes, and Mr. Jarvey caught this. He sighed and asked those who hadn't brought their pencils to raise their hands. As he passed those out, we could all catch him muttering about how we were a bunch of morons who didn't deserve to pass high school, no matter what the test said.

"Alright, are we all set now? Then bubble in your name and other information on the answer sheet. It's pretty self-explanatory."

For a minute, all that could be heard was the movement of pencils, and occasionally, the scrub of an eraser. Then Mr. Jarvey spoke again.

"You'll have two hours for each part of the test. Today is the math section, and tomorrow will be the English. If you finish before time is called in the first part, sit quietly. If you finish before the second part, you'll be dismissed to your class."

After a dramatic pause, he told us that we could begin.

There was the sound of ripping paper as we tore off the seals on the booklet, and then silence settled in once more, punctuated by the occasional flip of a page.

I found all the questions to be devastatingly simple; some of it I remembered from eight grade. I worked quickly, and found I had an hour and a quarter left. I was glad that I always carried a book in my bag. I spent the remainder of the first part reading. Though this was enjoyable to me, I couldn't help but wonder why, when the last person finished with half an hour to spare, we couldn't just move along.

Most of the class sat in mind-numbing boredom, though a few had also brought books. We weren't allowed to doodle or do other homework; for fear that we would somehow cheat.

After time was finally called, we got a ten minute break. Forget what I'd said earlier; I would gladly sit here for all eternity to avoid the throng of students that now descended upon me.

There were only about 20 people; it was such a small school that dividing the already tiny number of seniors into alphabetical order left only a few people in each group. But right now, I felt completely surrounded.

Some called my name, and others simply stared. Finally, it was Jessica who spoke to me.

"Oh my god, Bella, I heard about Edward! And Alice, too? Is it really true? Are they gone?"

I sighed and nodded.

"Oh, that's too bad. Do you know why they left? Are all the Cullens leaving?"

"Um…no, I'm not sure exactly. And I don't know if anyone else is leaving. Sorry."

Thankfully, Mr. Jarvey called time again, and the mob of my classmates had to go back to their tables. I bit my lip, worried that the questioning would be worse when I returned to my actual classes, or at lunch. The test would only go up to a couple periods before lunch started, so I wouldn't be able to avoid everyone today.

After rushing through the last half, which seemed almost easier than the first, I stood up to bring my test to the proctor. A few people had already done so, and the cafeteria was just a bit emptier. Still, as I walked to the front of the room, all eyes were on me again.

Mr. Jarvey took my test, and wrote a pass so I could go back to class. I headed to my locker to get my books, and then decided that I really didn't want to face anyone today. But I didn't want to just ditch school altogether. It was just that I would be noticed much more if I just burst into class halfway through the lesson. So I erased the time he'd written down (he'd been stupid enough to use pencil) and sat down, wondering what to do with myself.

I decided to clear my locker out. There were lots of random papers that I had no need for, and cleaning might relax me a little.

So for the next half hour, I was on the floor in front of my locker, sorting through papers.

I hadn't noticed the footsteps until they were too close. When I looked up, I saw the school disciplinarian.

I swallowed nervously.

"Miss Swan? We're not cutting class, are we?"

"No…it's just that…" I didn't want to admit to my personal troubles; too many people already knew about them, and there was no need to add another to the list.

"Well?"

"I dropped my binder. All my papers fell out, and I kind of hit my locker in frustration. But then another binder fell out, and there are so many papers here…I couldn't just cram them back in."

He looked into my eyes, searching. I put on my best expression of mingled annoyance, shame, apology, and impatience.

Finally, he broke eye contact and asked if I'd been to class. I told him that yes, I had been, but I had gone to my locker to get my books. He nodded, told me to hurry up, and then walked away.

I let out a sigh of relief. That could have ended badly.

But I still didn't head back to class. It wasn't my fault the test was so easy.

When the bell for lunch rang, I headed to my car. I really didn't want to be in the crowded cafeteria. Let them question me in class.

So when lunch ended, I headed to science with a heavy heart. Just like before, everyone trained their eyes on me. I could hear most of them whispering my name, and talking amongst themselves, probably about me. I ignored them and sat down.

But, as luck would have it, Jessica was in this class, too. She came to sit next to me, and I had to hold in my sigh of annoyance.

"Bella? Bella, are you sure you don't know why they left? You didn't break up, did you? And why'd Alice leave?"

"Jess…I really don't know. I mean, all I know is that they left; they didn't tell me why. Maybe they went to boarding school?"

She made a non-committal murmur and went back to her interrogation.

I'd never been so glad to hear a bell in my life.

Of course, the rest of the day was similar, people questioning me, doubting that I knew nothing. But how could I explain that people everyone thought were siblings were having an affair and had decided to leave? I couldn't. And I didn't want them to know I'd spent the whole day. They'd probably take the news that I still saw the Cullens more dramatically than even Charlie.

When the final bell rang, I all but sprinted out of the school, towards my truck. My haven.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry about the delay, again. School started and I've been too brain dead to do anything but pass out when I get back. But I've been working on this in the early morning hours (insomniac) haha.**

**Anyway, I'm gonna make good on my promise and respond to all your reviews [well, the ones for ch 18, anyway].**

_**Here goes:**_

**Lilquackers77- I might have to steal your idea. :3**

**Hannah-Marie Hale- Thank you :)**

**Wunmiii-Yep, I tried to make Rosalie more caring. Well, I think she really does care, but she doesn't wanna let on. So she's not going to be Bella's bff anytime soon, but Jasper knows she cares. :O  
**

**MommyLee963-I'll try to whoop as much ass as possible. :p**

**ZeMoMo-Rofl. Should I add you in the story as Jasper's evil kidnapper? You can keep him for the day. :D**

**Whatsernameuk-Thank youu. And yes, brownies. I think I'll offer donuts this time..I want the brownies to myself.**

**Debbie-Lou-Not as soon as I liked, but it'll hafta do.**

**Melstewarthm-Mixture of all three. **

**You-wont-see-an-iguana-here-Yepp. He's just that great :D**

**Oldsoul1964-Yay!**

**Jk5959-Yeah, that always bothered me too. I mean, they'd have some money saved from living hundreds of years and all, but they live large. I think I've already got a pretty good idea of what jobs I wanna give them..**

**Lots of Lovexo-Thank youu :)**

**Okiee doke.**

**Review, and a 140 year old oak cross will be shipped to your door. **

**(Don't ask.)  
**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: Yep. I officially disclaim all rights to the characters. Except any I make up. Those are still mine.**

The next morning went much like the one before it.

When my alarm went off, I blinked hard before opening my eyes. I wasn't at all looking forward to school, but ditching would just turn out to be a hassle. Plus…I still wasn't inclined to ditch an entire day of school. Something about it seemed wrong, even if practically every high schooler had done it at least once. Leaving for just a few classes, on the other hand, seemed like a perfectly reasonable thing to do. As long as I did whatever was important in school, then I'd be able to skip my other classes with a much lighter conscience.

I stumbled towards the bathroom, noting that Charlie had already left. I took a lukewarm shower this morning, to try and wake up as much as possible. Nothing was worse than hours of boredom with a groggy head to top it all off.

As I ran a brush through my wet hair, I looked around my room to find something to wear. I finally settled on the old standby of jeans and a t-shirt. Ever since _he_ had left my life, there was nobody to dress up for. And _she_ had been the only one I knew who cared about what I wore.

And now she was gone.

As soon as I pulled into the parking lot, I knew I was in for it. There was a crowd of people waiting not far away, talking and laughing, and as soon as I parked they all stopped and looked at me.

Then I got out of the car, and all hell broke loose. They started towards me, some of them calling my name, some of them glaring at me, and others asking if I was alright. I darted through the mass of people, ducking my head and hoping to escape unnoticed. I managed to get away with only a few people on my tail, and they had to leave when the bell rang. It was day two of the exams.

Just like yesterday, I was done incredibly early (as were many others). But this time, I had better sense than to sit down in front of my locker. Because something I'd remembered, only last night as I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, was that there was a camera in that hallway. That was probably how I had been caught. Stupid, stupid Bella.

I figured I would sit in my car again.

I moved as stealthily as I could, staying in the bathroom for a few minutes when I saw a teacher walking past, and stooping down to tie my shoe when another approached me as I neared the parking lot.

I thought I had gotten away without anyone the wiser. But I felt a tap on my shoulder, and as I spun around, I felt like hitting something. Which was odd, as I was usually a non-violent person. Or at least, a relatively non-violent one.

"…Jessica." I acknowledged.

"Bellaa! Oh my god, you weren't kidding?! You and Edward are splits?! This _is_ huge! I mean, I thought you were maybe pulling a fast one on us yesterday, but…oh my god!"

"…"

"Bella?!"

"…Yeah?"

"Spill! What _exactly _happened?"

"I told you yesterday. I. Don't. Know." I was getting annoyed, really annoyed. She'd spent almost an hour yesterday hypothesizing on the situation, and I'd been lucky to get away. I hadn't told her anything yesterday, so why would I today?

She looked taken aback.

"Well, if that's how it's going to be…" And she turned on her heel and walked away, back in the direction of the school.

At least something good had come of that conversation.

After standing there for a few minutes more, trying to calm down, I felt a tap on my shoulder again.

"_What_ do you want, Jess?"

"…Erm, Bella? It's Angela."

"Oh." I felt mortified.

My temper had been on a short leash ever since _he_ had left. And Jessica using his name hadn't exactly helped. I suppose that was my fault though, allowing myself to be so affected by _him._

Still, it wasn't as if I could help it. It was an involuntary reaction to flinch at the name, at even the thought of the name. However, just like a rabbit's instinct to freeze when cornered, it wasn't a particularly useful reaction.

"I'm so sorry, Ang."

She gave a small, understanding smile.

"It's alright. With news as big as yours, and persistence as strong as Jessica's, there was bound to be some trouble soon. I had just hoped that I could avoid being murdered…"

I twitched my lip, still in no mindset to laugh. Still, she was Angela, and extremely observant, and I could tell she appreciated this small show of amusement.

"So, where were you going before you got mauled by the gossip queen?"

I wondered whether or not I should tell her the truth. I doubted she would approve of ditching, but I hated lying, unless I had a very good reason.

If this had been Jess, I might have lied. After blowing up at her the way I did, there was quite a high likelihood that she would tip off someone who worked at the school.

Angela, on the other hand, was both too loyal and too timid to do anything of the sort. So I opted for the truth.

"Well…to be honest, I was just heading to my car. I kind of want to go home."

She bit her bottom lip before responding. "Oh. I guess I can see why, what with people like Jessica. I had no idea it bothered you enough to want to leave though."

I forced a laugh, which sounded incredibly fake; even to my own ears.

"Can you blame me? Besides…it's not like I'll miss anything in class. The teachers can't plan a lesson if over half their kids are going to be gone."

"I suppose so," she replied, noncommittally.

"Angela…" I started, "I need you to understand that I'm not going to have a mental breakdown or anything. I just need a bit of time to myself, and I'd have been gone the whole day, but that would have led to the whole mess called 'make up testing'. Not exactly my idea of fun."

She nodded in agreement.

"But…Bella, I may not have known you for a long time, but I have noticed that you don't seem to be the type to take these things well. Erm…no offense. But after…well, anyway, just don't let history repeat itself. I don't want to lose you again."

Oh. That's what she was worried about. I knew I should feel some indignation at being thought of as a nutter, but all I felt was the now familiar pang of pain at any mention of _him_, and warmth for the depth of her concern. I knew that in Angela at least, I had a true friend.

My voice was thick with emotion when I responded. "Ang…thank you. For everything you did for me…back then, and everything you're doing now. But I swear, this time I'm doing a bit better."

Relief flooded her face, as she must have felt the sincerity in my answer.

"Alright then. Have fun, Bella." And she smiled and walked back in the direction of the school.

I breathed a sigh of relief and finally, finally got to my car. It was a welcome respite from the cold outside to get into my surprisingly warm truck. Maybe it had some supernatural abilities. Everything else in Forks seemed to.

I drove home slowly, reveling in the fact that I was actually ditching, leaving school campus, for the first time.

After pushing open the front door, I realized I had no idea what to do with myself. I _could_ start dinner, but…it didn't really appeal to me.

I thought about visiting the Cullens again. But we hadn't left on best terms last time, and I wanted to give Jasper a bit of space. I wasn't sure whether that was what he wanted or not, but who was I to meddle in his life?

Finally, I decided on reading a book. I dug around my bookshelf until I found my collection of Jane Austen's works. Then, like I had almost a year before, I grabbed a quilt and lay down outside, out of sight from the world. If ever there was a reason to ditch, this was it.

I flipped open the book, deciding to read _Sense and Sensibility_ first. I couldn't remember why I hadn't picked this one up in so long; I remembered that it was one of my favorites. And then, as I got further into the book, realization dawned on me.

It was a reminder of _him._ And now I was reading about how he had an open, affectionate heart hidden by shyness. Which must've been the exact opposite of…

No. No, no, no. Can't think about that.

I felt like throwing the book into a fire, but reasoned that book burning was barbaric, and that I would most likely burn myself in the process. I had all the luck in the world, after all.

I glanced up at the sky and saw that it was getting just a bit darker. Sighing, I folded up the now damp quilt and headed inside, finally ready to start Charlie's dinner.

I was indecisive as to what to make him, though. Leftovers were a bad idea, since I'd been doing that too much lately and didn't want to come across as lazy. A full, complicated meal like enchiladas were out of the question, since I only had an hour or so before he came back.

I dug around the kitchen, shoving various foods out of the way before deciding upon the fail-safe steak and potatoes. It had been the first meal I'd ever made for him, and right now I wanted to go back to then. To simpler times. Before…him.

I threw together a quick marinade, not really paying attention to what I was doing. It probably wouldn't be grandly flavorful, but it got the job done. I sliced the potatoes and stuck them in a large aluminum dish, which I put in the oven. I put the meat in there too, letting everything stew in the marinade. Now all I'd have to do is throw the meat onto the stovetop a couple minutes before Charlie got in, and prepare a salad. And there was still almost forty minutes before he got back.

I had to say, cooking was oddly relaxing. It allowed my mind to numb for a bit, and while I thought it was probably awful to want to return to the numbness that consumed me when _he_ first left…it made it easier. Doing rote things made this whole thing so much more bearable.

I sat on the couch until I heard Charlie's cruiser arrive, lost in thought. As soon as I heard the car pulling up though, I jumped and went to finish off the meal. By the time he came in, greeted me, hung up his gun, and went to change out of his uniform, it was finished and served on the table.

"Hey Bella," he called as he came back into the room.

"Hi, dad."

He had an odd look on his face, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what he was thinking.

"This looks great."

"Thanks, dad."

"Hmm. Bella…"

"…Yes?"

"You know what I heard today?"

This didn't seem good. Not with the tone of voice he was using, that suggested I knew about whatever it was he was saying.

"Um, no…"

"Hmm…" he said again.

"Erm…what did you hear?"

"Bella…is it true that you cut school today?"

Oh.

"Oh…sorry. I um…"

He didn't wait for me to finish.

"And…is it true that you snapped at the Stanley girl? Jessica? And that you almost tore that Webber girl's head off?"

Stupid small towns. Stupid rumors. Stupid Jessica.

Damn it all.

"Well…kind of. I only got mad at Angela because I thought she was Jessica, but when I found out she wasn't, I apologized. We're good now, I think."

"And why were you trying to kill Jessica…?" he prompted.

"I…just something she said."

He sighed slightly, but I don't think he wanted me to realize he was feeling exasperated.

"Bella…I don't want to lose you again. Whether it's to numbness or to anger or…well, I don't want to lose you again."

"I'm sorry…I won't kill anyone again. I swear," I said, trying to lighten the mood. Obviously though, it wasn't working.

"Cutting school…such a short temper…and sometimes you seem like you're just spacing out…"

It seemed like he was talking to himself, so I started eating again.

"Look…I think it'd be best if I took you to talk to someone."

…Talk to someone? What did he—oh. A shrink. A shrink? What the hell?

I almost choked on my potato.

"Dad, no! I don't want to see some shrink. I'm not crazy!"

I had to admit though, I was sounding just a bit nutty.

"Yes, Bells. A shrink. I found a good one, he just opened up in Port Angeles. He's young, and he doesn't charge much. I think his name's…Cooper or something."

"…Cooper?"

"Yeah. Heard of him?"

"No."

"Oh…well, I found his ad, and heard from someone who rents out offices, who rented out his office to him, that he's a really great person."

"Oh."

"I've scheduled and appointment for tomorrow. If you're going to cut school, you should at least be doing something beneficial to your health. Not moping."

I would've protested, but my mind was reeling.

A shrink?

I wasn't crazy.

Was I?

Of course not.

I kept this argument going in my head as I cleared the table, and then trudged upstairs to go to bed.

I wasn't crazy.

Was I?

* * *

**A/N:**

**Okay. I'm really really really, a million billion times, sorry.**

**I know it's been like a month, haha.**

**I've had lots of issues lately with friends and family, so this hasn't been the thing that pops into my mind to do. **

**But for making you wait, I'm posting the next chapter right after this one.**

**Still, try to review both :)  
**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: Even if I'm as good as an author (in that I'm just as slow to finish), I'm not one, and I don't own these characters or anything like that. Oh dear.**

**JPOV:**

I had found the perfect apartment. It was mid-sized; small enough to keep out of the public eye, but big enough to be comfortable, and it fit all my belongings inside, with room to spare. Just as I'd planned, I had paid entirely in cash. The landlady had been hesitant at first; I felt her puzzlement, curiosity, and worry. But I had given her a dazzling smile, and she didn't ask any questions. I suppose it paid sometimes, to be a vampire.

It had come with sparse furniture, but it was in good condition, and I could always buy more when I went back into town.

And it happened to be about eleven blocks away from Bella.

I kept trying to convince myself that this had been pure coincidence, that this had been the most convenient location. It was to no avail. I'd never been able to lie to myself, because I felt my own emotions. The guilt. The uncertainty. The anxiety. I couldn't just push them to the back of my mind, because even in the darkest, most deserted corners of the mind, I felt the emotion. I could even feel the void left by lack of emotion.

I decided, for the time being, that I had only come so close to make sure Bella was alright. I'd be able to feel her emotions from here, if a little faintly. When, or if, I ever got to know her better, I would be able to read her much more clearly. Until then, vague whispers of her emotional state would have to suffice.

I had also found a job. I'd mailed a contact in Seattle, who gave me a new identity. I was now, for the purposes of my new job, James Cooper. I had a new I.D., new birth certificate, new passports, and a Doctorate.

I had originally planned to go with only a Masters, because a 20 something year old with such high certifications might come across as slightly suspicious. But for the job I had in mind, there were a number of PhD's working in the same field. A Doctorate wouldn't stand out too much.

I was going to be a psychologist.

I had thought of working a menial desk job, where I could be completely anonymous, but I did want the money, and I had been through colleges and universities so many times that I was probably the best qualified person for the job anywhere. Or at least, I was far better qualified than any human was. And my empathic ability might just come in handy.

I planned to set up shop in Port Angeles, in a strip mall. That way, I wouldn't run the risk of running into anyone I knew. How strange it would be for my classmates to see me as a fully qualified psychologist, without technically having graduated high school.

This strip mall had nothing teenagers in Forks would be interested in. There was a travel agency, a crochet shop, and a clinic for geriatrics. I had to wonder at the type of clients I would get here.

When I finally drove to up to Port Angeles, a couple days after the idea first popped into my mind, I didn't know what to expect. I had never held down a job before, having neither the time nor the need to do so. In my earlier days, there had been only war. And then I joined the Cullens, who were all almost ridiculously rich. I had never truly gotten used to it, but I'd grown accustomed to it. I wasn't shocked by it anymore, anyway.

Ordinarily, renting an office might have taken some days, at least, to run a background check. But the person renting out the office was a thirty something year old woman, who seemed to have a penchant for trying to snag a younger man.

I'd driven to her office, where she rented out all manner of office suites and industrial buildings. She was making a name for herself in the area.

Her office was nondescript, painted a warm beige outside. There was a sign stuck in the small patch of grass that bordered the office, which told me that they were "#3 In The Area!"

The door had a bell on it that rang when I pushed it open.

When I walked into her office, I flashed a gleaming smile at her, and ran a hand through my hair.

She batted her eyelashes at me, and called a greeting.

"Ma'am, I'd like to rent an office, as soon as I can. I'd be willing to pay everything in cash, deposit and first month's rent. I've got all my documents in the car, if you need them."

She looked thoughtful for a minute.

"You look a little young…"

I felt only slight hesitation, though this was clouded by lust and desire. She only wanted to talk to me longer.

"I'm blessed with good genes, ma'am." I gave another smile and a wink. Her heart beat erratically.

"Please, please, call me Stacy."

"Stacy," I began, and I heard her heart skip a beat, "…the thing is, I want to open a psychologist's office here. I don't think there's one nearby, and I'd really like to give one to the community. But I want to open up as quickly as I can, because…well, to be honest, I don't have a job right now."

She was now feeling strong attraction, some admiration, some amazement and…no more hesitation.

"Well, why didn't you say so?! Still, a man like you," she said, raking her eyes over my body, "could probably get a job anywhere as a model. Am I right?"

"I suppose so. But…this feels like my calling. Sometimes…it almost feels as if I can read what a person is feeling, almost instantly."

"Ooh, I had an aunt like that, kind of. She could read their palms, and tell a whole lot."

I wanted to laugh, and, in fact, had to bite my tongue to keep from doing so.

"Oh, wow. Stacy, that's really something. Have _you_ got any hidden talents?"

"Ah, I can tell a person's intent. Well, I can tell whether they mean to do harm or good."

I felt only complete conviction in this statement. Maybe it was true, and maybe she, like so many other humans, had a talent that was nowhere near what its full potential was.

"Well, that's even rarer. What do you see about me?"

"That you're an honest, hardworking type." She laughed. "I'm sure you've got a wife, or at least a girlfriend, right? I bet you treat her real well."

I put on my best look of embarrassment, while hiding the pain that threatened to break through my carefully constructed mask. Of course she would bring up Alice.

"Well…to be honest…my girlfriend just left me. But, I did treat her well. At least…I like to think so…"

I felt a pang of regret and self loathing.

"I'm so sorry to have brought it up. It…wasn't my place to do so."

I paused for a split second before giving her another smile, but this was a different one. A warm one. She had a heart of gold, even if her heart did yearn for men about 15 years her junior.

"No, that's alright. It's bound to come up eventually. No need to beat yourself up."

"Well…thank you. What did you say your name was?"

"James, James Cooper."

"It was nice meeting you, James. If you can just bring me your paperwork, we should have you up and running by the end of the day. You've got your own furniture? The office doesn't have any."

"Yes, I do. I'll be back in just a second; I'm going to go get the papers. And, Stacy? Thank you."

"Not a problem."

When I came back from my car, she was scrawling something on a form.

"Oh, you're back? Good. Now, if you can give me the following…"

I gave her everything on the list she pushed across the table to me. When she saw that everything seemed to be in order, she smiled in relief, and told me to sign in various places on the form she'd been filling out earlier.

"Alright, you're all set."

"Thank you, thank you again. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"Oh, it's nothing. Now…I'll be back with an inspector in a few weeks or so, to make sure everything's up to code."

"Okay. I'll have it ready by then."

"Good. Well...I think that's everything."

"Thank you ma'am. I'll be seeing you in a bit then."

With that, I left the office, wondering how I'd possibly spent so much time on small talk. It wasn't something I particularly enjoyed, but I was excited to start my job, and I wanted it to go as smoothly as possible. If buttering up the woman renting me the property was the way to go, then so be it.

I had half considered just buying the office, but if the family wasn't going to have as much money as usual (not that we wouldn't still have a great fortune) then I didn't want to waste money. We'd have to leave soon anyway, since so much of the town was getting suspicious about Esme's good looks, claiming that she was getting plastic surgery. They said similar things about Carlisle, but he could shrug it off more easily. Something I'd learned about women, even the vampire ones, is that you never question their age. Ever.

Shaking my head to clear it, I hopped into my car, revved the engine, and flew back to my apartment.

When I opened my front door, I felt like I should call someone to celebrate.

But who?

Carlisle? Esme?

No…they'd probably figure that I was trying to pull away from them. Which I was, in a way, but…as much as they hurt me, distrusted me, I couldn't do the same to them. I couldn't tell them that I didn't need them. They were, in a strange sense, my parents.

Emmett?

Somehow, I didn't think he'd understand why I was so happy to be working. He'd wonder who the hell hit me in the head so hard that it made me a bit crazy.

Rose?

Maybe. But I had the feeling she'd either take the same stance as Emmett, or ask why I wasn't living with them anymore. And I didn't want to open that issue up, not just yet.

Bella?

Another maybe. I had no doubt that she would give me her congratulations, but I didn't know whether she would be wary of me (as she had every right to be) after I'd almost killed her. Then again, she hadn't minded being in the same car, in the same vicinity as me all that time. And she'd stood up for me.

Maybe…maybe it would be nice to share this news with her. I wanted to be closer to her, to show her that I wasn't some crazed, uncontrollable vampire. Despite what she said, it would be only natural to have doubts lingering in the back of her mind.

I wondered when I should go see her though. I didn't want to just drop by at school. People might talk, and probably already are, only it was about Edward. If I came, they might get the wrong idea (or not care what the situation was, but if they were loathsome enough at her sudden popularity…) and spread rumors. Bella would hate that. Anyone would, really, but Bella more than most because of her shyness and hatred of the spotlight. She'd already had enough gossip about her, what with being a new student, having half the boys in school trying to go out with her, and befriending us Cullens.

I figured going to her house would be alright…maybe. I wouldn't know how to explain myself if Charlie was there, and despite my immortality, I didn't exactly want to get shot by the Chief of Police. I could hang around in the tree outside her window and climb in when I heard her arrive, but that tasted too strongly of a psychotic serial killer. Or…I could wait till I knew she was home, feel for emotions to see if Charlie was there, and if he wasn't, I could go and talk to her.

Gah. This was all so secretive. I didn't know how Edward had managed it.

One way or the other, though, I'd find a way.

* * *

**A/N:**

**See? Two chappies in one day.**

**Hope you enjoy it.**

**And the plot twist.**

**Haha, don't worry though. There'll be a life or death situation a little further along.  
**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight franchise. Not even a fraction of it. Damn, that sucks. :(**

**BPOV:**

I supposed I should be grateful and all, not being chewed out for cutting class, and being able to cut again tomorrow.

But the fact that this leniency stemmed from an insinuation that I wasn't completely sane…well, I was far from being over the moon. I mean, sure, I knew that just because you saw a shrink didn't mean you were _necessarily_ crazy. I knew many people from Phoenix who'd gone to see shrinks, and even a few (a very small few) in Forks who'd done so too. But they generally went because of a divorce or death in the family. They generally went as a precaution, not a cure.

I felt as if I had to go to be 'cured'.

This was the problem with living with a man, or at least one that didn't seem to understand my need for grieving time. If I'd lived with Renee still, she'd probably have understood. I'd be able to go through tubs of Ben and Jerry, watch various crappy soap operas, and be able to have some time to myself.

And I wouldn't be in a small town, where rumors and gossip were inescapable.

And I wouldn't feel as if I weren't fully sane.

And I wouldn't have had anything to do with _him_, or the supernatural…

Would that be good though?

Is that what I wanted? To just be normal? Or as normal as I ever was, anyway. I really didn't know. On the one hand, I wouldn't have gone through all the pain and grief and frustration caused by two certain Cullens. On the other, I'd never have had the great times I did with them.

Maybe I _did_ need a shrink. I'd been arguing with myself about various things for a solid hour now. Charlie had finished watching his game, and I could hear him snoring now.

I sighed and decided to change out of my clothes, and into my pajamas. I threw the clothes I'd worn today into the laundry hamper, and pulled on a tank top and pajama bottoms. Angela had gotten me this pair of pajamas as a random act of friendship, and I loved her for it. They were as comfortable as my holey old sweats, but looked far better. Of course, it was only out of habit that I had any concern over what my sleepwear looked like. It's not as if there was going to be anyone with me anymore as I slept.

And of course I'd only just finished thinking this thought, only finished letting a fresh wave of pain wash over me, when I heard a soft tap on the window.

Who was knocking on my window at this time of night?

_He _wouldn't have come back, would he? No…he couldn't have. There was no reason to. Right? He wouldn't apologize. He had _her_ now. She was perfect, better than I could ever even hope to be.

_There's no use in thinking about that_, I scolded myself.

No need to sink into a depression. Not now, not when I was trying so hard to convince myself (and others) of my supposed sanity.

I walked slowly towards the window, half entertaining the idea of picking up the glass bottle I had on my bedside table, just in case things got violent. But what good would it do? The glass would probably just be crushed into a powder, and my potential attacker would be completely unscathed. And more than a little annoyed, I imagined. Not good, to have an angry vampire so close to you.

Finally, I reached the window, though I couldn't see anyone. They must've been hiding in the tree.

Now or never.

I slid the window open and almost leaped back in shock when I saw a wavy blond head push its way into my room, followed by a tall, leanly muscled body.

Jasper.

I wanted to pass out in relief, but I settled for sinking to the floor, and letting out an audible breath.

Jasper hadn't said anything yet, though he could no doubt feel my curiosity.

"Erm…Jasper?" I prompted.

"Oh, right. Um…I was wondering if it was alright? That I came for a visit. I wasn't sure if you wouldn't want anyone after…well, I was wondering if you wanted to be alone."

I gave a shaky laugh. "Little late now, isn't it?"

I knew my words might've sounded a bit harsh, but he could feel the undercurrent of emotion that softened them. The relief I felt, and the lack of anger must've let him know it was alright.

Still, I figured I should reassure him verbally as well.

"No…Jasper, it's fine. Better you than some psychotic hobo…"

Of course at the word psychotic, I tensed slightly. I myself had let it slip, sure, but its significance still pummeled me.

They thought I was crazy…

Why?

Hadn't he, Charlie, gone through a divorce? Didn't he know what it was like? To lose someone you cared about more than life itself?

But when I finally felt my eyes prickle and my nose begin to burn, a wave of calm immediately washed over me. I stopped feeling like I had to cry, and there was only one possible cause for this.

"…Thanks."

He nodded, and I wondered why he wasn't talking much.

To answer my unspoken question, Jasper broke his silence.

"Sorry, I know it must seem rather…rude of me to barge in here and not say much. But it's still hard to be in such a small room with…" He trailed off his sentence, but the implication was all too clear. If he breathed to talk, he might get too tempted.

I shuddered, and he looked at me, regret plain is his eyes.

"I'm sorry for coming here at all…I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"…Why wouldn't I be?" I asked, a little snippily. I didn't need another person thinking I wasn't fine. Even if his definition of not fine and Charlie's definition were probably different, and not to mention that Jasper actually knew why, if I wasn't fine, the real reason behind my un-fineness…

"Bella. I can tell you aren't alright. Your emotions have been a mess..."

"Well, I wonder why." I felt a pang of regret at being so harsh to someone who was trying to help, despite how difficult it must have been. I sighed.

"It's just that….everyone's been thinking I'm insane. I cut school today. I'm going to a shrink tomorrow," I admitted sheepishly.

"Nothing to be ashamed of, darlin'. I'd be out of business without overreacting parents."

I gave him a curious look, but he didn't elaborate.

"…Jasper? Mind if I ask you something?"

He nodded again, though now he looked a bit wary. "Go ahead."

"How'd you feel my emotions? I mean…I'm miles away from the mansion. You could've been mistaking my emotions for Charlie's. Or even the neighbors'…I think they're getting divorced, so there's bound to be some strong emotion there…"

My question was rewarded with a conspiratorial grin, the first sign of anything close to glee that I'd seen from him all night. Or ever, for that matter.

"Bella, I moved out!"

"Really?"

He laughed, a deep, rich sound. "Really."

Now my curiosity had been peaked.

"Why? Why'd you move out? And..where to?"

Most of the humor seemed to disappear from his face, and once again his carefully constructed mask was put on show. It seemed this was like a default face for all vampires…

"I live much closer to you, which is how I'm able to clearly discern your emotions from your neighbors', or anyone else's, for that matter. I'm only about…11 blocks away now." He grinned again, but this time it didn't seem to be the carefree expression he'd worn only moments ago. The smile didn't reach his eyes, and he was seemingly dreading the inevitable: my follow up question.

"But...why? I mean, I'm glad you're here, this is the first time I haven't felt like crying in ages. Even if I can feel it at the edges of my mind…but anyway, why _did_ you move? Your family…they don't still think you're a danger, do they? You **didn't** kill the hiker, you stopped! And you didn't even lay a hand on me!" I was well aware that this was beginning to turn into a babbling rant, but I couldn't stop myself. How could a family who I looked up to just tell their son to move out? Even if he wasn't a son in the most traditional sense, he was part of their family. Family shouldn't abandon each other just because of a mistake. Especially since he clearly regretted what had happened.

I glanced up, trying to see if he was going to answer, but he only wore an odd look on his face.

"What?" I asked, feeling slightly self-conscious under his penetrating gaze.

He chuckled softly. "You just went through a huge spectrum of emotions just now. I don't think I've ever met another human like you…you feel so much, and so quickly...."

I scowled. It was this great capacity to feel that got me landed with a shrink.

"What's wrong?" he prodded. Obviously, he'd felt that surge of emotion, too.

"It's just…it's nothing."

"Bella…"

"You know, you still haven't told me why you're moving…" I gave him a soft smile, hoping he'd change the subject away from me.

He paused for a second, uncertainty evident in his amber eyes. And then, finally, he answered. "They don't say it…that they blame me, think me unworthy. But I can feel it. No matter how much they deny it, they seem to forget that I can feel the insincerity of their words. I couldn't deal with it anymore; their emotions are claustrophobic. So I found an apartment of my own."

I didn't know what to say. He must have been going through hell.

"I'm sorry," was what I finally settled on. It seemed like a completely inadequate thing to say to such an outpouring of raw emotion, but I just couldn't find the words to express the sympathy for him, the anger for his supposedly supportive family, disappointment in myself for awakening his temptation on my eighteenth birthday.

But Jasper being Jasper gave me a warm, pleased smile. Evidently he'd made sense of my scattered emotions.

"You're talking," I noted, looking up at him.

He laughed. "Come on, Bella. Don't tell me you think you're going so insane that you thought you imagined our entire conversation."

I blushed lightly before explaining. "No…I mean, it was hard for you to be in the same room as me, let alone trying to breathe. Now we're having a conversation."

He gave me a slightly worried glance. "You aren't scared of me, are you? If you are…say the word and I can leave," he said, giving me another smile that failed to reach his eyes.

"No! It's just…I'm curious as to how you went from being unable to breathe to having a full conversation with me in such a short amount of time…"

He visibly relaxed at my reassurance, and I realized just how terribly the ill will of his family must have affected him, if he were really comforted by a human who had caused them to lose confidence in him in the first place.

"Well…I think it's mind over matter. Since the hiker...since then, I knew that I wouldn't ever be able to hurt you. I mean, if I didn't try to ki-erm, hurt you after having fresh, human blood for the first time in ages, then under far less stressful conditions, there's no chance of me doing anything to you. That said, your scent is still powerful. But it's…it's not at all bad."

I was choked with emotion; with gratitude, with relief, with amazement, and so much more.

"Th-thank you," I finally managed, after getting my mouth to work properly again.

"Bella, darlin', you should know that there's never any need to be scared of me. Ever. And…I don't just mean bodily harm."

I was now utterly confused, but I couldn't seem to form the right questions. I just stared at him, bemused. And then, with the speed only a bloody vampire could possess, he moved in a blur towards the window and launched himself out.

I shook my head in wonder; getting used to vampire speed and power probably took a lifetime or two.

And as I got off the floor and got into bed, curling up under my warm blankets, I replayed his last line in my head, and couldn't help but recalling the intensity of his eyes.

My last thoughts of the night were of a certain blonde vampire.

**A/N: Okayy. I'm horribly, terribly, awfully, really really sorry that it took like..2 months to update. x.x **

**I couldn't do anything till June 18 (because I was trying to pull my grades up, and then there were finals), and then I was depressed for a bit that my efforts to pull my math grade to a C had failed, so I didn't feel like writing, haha. **

**Then I got over that, and I wrote a draft of this chapter, which I hated. (and really..I'm not so sure I love this one..review and lemme know what you think though).**

**SPEAKING OF REVIEWS. Thankyouthankyouthankyou, everybody. Your reviews keep me updating, if a bit slowly (but things'll get better soon, I hope. It IS summer break, haha.) And 10 more to go till I hit 200! Thank you again~  
**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: If I owned Twilight, I wouldn't be writing this, would I? Well, I mean, I would. But I'd be getting paid. As it is, I'm still hopelessly broke, and therefore unable to go to all the concerts I want. Oh, and being under 18 doesn't help either, when you wanna get into a Vegas showroom. But I digress.**

**JPOV:**

When I walked into the office in the morning, my secretary (who I'd hired the day I got the office), informed me of the four appointments I had that day. I had expected a bit more business, but for a first day, this couldn't be the worst start in history.

And of course, the moment I entered the room, I heard her heartbeat accelerate, the blood rush to her cheeks, and her breathing hitch slightly. I calmed her down, as had become habit in these situations. Sometimes I wondered how long their reactions would go on if I didn't step in.

I still had an hour and a half left to myself before my first patient arrived. I was a bit worried about being in a room with a human for an hour, but I'd taken the precaution of opening the windows and placing flowers everywhere. Their scent would hopefully drown out my sense of smell. There were a mix of roses, tropical flowers, jasmine, and freesia. Their mingled scent reminded me a little bit of…Bella. I'd found myself thinking of her more than once, and while at first I was telling myself that it was just worry for her, I had begun to wonder if there wasn't something more behind my thoughts.

For an empath, I was rather confused as to my own feelings. Figures.

And then my thoughts would drift to another subject who'd once been my life, my everything. And her new beaux. I hated that they still had the power to make me think of them. It should be expected that Alice would want to leave me, leave me for someone who could guarantee good behavior. And as much as I'd like to take time out of my day to grieve for my loss of a wife, of a friend and brother, I had better things to do. Like polishing that spot on my desk.

And yes, unlike other therapists, I'd decided to have a desk. It seemed more friendly than a filing cabinet. Less clinical. If I knew one thing about humans, it was that they hated to be treated as a file. Actually (and quite understandably) this seemed to hold true for most species.

After what had seemed like only a few more minutes of musing, I glanced up at the clock and gave a start. It'd been an hour and 28 minutes. Meaning that my first appointment, my first opportunity to show I had enough skill to hold down a job, would be arriving in just a couple of minutes. What kind of psychologist would I be if I was lost so easily in my own mind? A good one? A bad one?

A knock on the door and my secretary telling me that my appointment was here shook me out of my latest reverie.

"Send them in!"

The door opened, and I turned around to look out the window. People tended to be more relaxed if you weren't staring at them as they walked in. They preferred for you to turn around as they entered, and so I did.

And found myself looking at Bella.

"...Doctor 'Cooper'?" She was amused. And confused, and a bit…worried?

"Jasper'll do, for you darlin'."

She gave a shaky laugh. A laugh, yes. But…it wasn't genuine. I wasn't going to count nervousness as a sign of healing. "Is this what you meant when you said you'd be out of business, save for over reactive parents?"

I smiled. She really _was_ observant; Edward hadn't been wrong there.

"Of course. Well, over reactive parents and schools too lazy to recognize problems going on right under their noses that are supremely easy to fix…but I digress. What's on your mind?"

"You can't be serious."

"What? You paid for a session, and I intend to give you one…" I smirked. This was going to be interesting. What made Bella tick? And...Edward would've killed for this chance.

"Yeah, but…" she trailed off, looking at me desperately.

"Look, anything you say here won't go further than this room. Even if we see each other some other time, in some other place, we'll never need to bring up whatever we discuss here."

She bit her lip, still unsure. Her worry was much stronger now, overpowering most of her other emotions. She usually wasn't this uncomfortable around me. Yesterday I'd come in through her window, and she'd mostly been relieved, and glad. To see me?

I sighed, and she looked over at me. Apprehension filled the air. After a brief pause, she asked "What's wrong?"

"I'm just thinking about something…not so happy. You know what I mean?"

I felt sympathy from her. Not pity. Sympathy.

This was an alarming departure from the emotions I'd received from Alice.

I shook my head, trying to drive the thoughts that plagued me away, and hopefully for good. It couldn't be healthy to think about her, no matter how infrequently it must have been happening compared to Bella. But I wasn't a human. My brain processed things faster, better. I shouldn't keep thinking about her…

I felt a fresh wave of sympathy, and I looked towards Bella again, who had a concerned expression on her face.

"Sorry," I said softly. "It's just…hard, you know?"

She nodded, a distant look in her eyes. Her mood was plummeting to match mine, so I made a conscious effort to spread cheer around the room. I shouldn't be making my patients feel more upset than they were before they came in to see me.

I shouldn't be passing my troubles onto my already troubled friend.

Is that what she was?

A friend?

Or was she just an acquaintance; was our relationship based purely on convenience?

What relationship?

I sighed again. Bella certainly made everyone who knew her question themselves.

I ducked down to open the bottom drawer of my desk, and pulled out something that I knew would lift the mood.

I walked over to my cushy armchair and sank into it, watching as she marveled over how _human_ I seemed to look. I gestured over to the quintessential therapeutic couch that I'd placed opposite my chair, and she sat on the edge, feeling uneasy again.

But I had my secret "weapon". Pulling out the four foot by four foot notebook and novelty giant pen, I started with the most basic question, the one that made people tear their hair out at it's annoying simplicity.

"How does that make you feel?

She flashed a smile and shook her head at my parody of a therapist. Her amusement was music to me, a sign that this wasn't a hopeless endeavor, that my idiot of a brother hadn't scarred her life. That there was hope.

"How does…_what_ make me feel?"

"Anything. Everything. The world. Food. Music. Books. Movies. People. Me. You. Him. Her."

"Well…your notebook is incredibly subtle," she offered.

I chuckled. "Oh, but of course. I'm sure you didn't even notice it. What with your lackluster powers of observation."

Her face froze, and her feelings of loss, of anger, of sadness, washed over me again. I must have reminded her of the idiot.

"…I'm sorry. What'd I say?"

"N-nothing…I mean…It's not your fault…"

"What isn't?"

It's just…he mentioned my "powers of observation" more than a few times when we first met. Before we were…"

Another wave of agony.

Way to go, Jasper. Keep this up and you may get fired on your first patient.

I smiled at her gently though, trying to coax her out of her thoughts. "It's alright to remember, you know? But…when it takes over your life, when it consumes you…well, he's not worth it. You're much too good for him, and it's better that he left you now, before you'd committed to anything."

She looked up at me, her eyes wide. "But…you can't say you never think about he-about Alice?"

"I try not to. Doesn't always work though, I have to admit."

"Well, she didn't deserve you. And…I'm sorry that you'd been together for so long before she decided to…" Bella couldn't finish; she was trying to hold back the tears that were springing from her eyes.

I was sorely tempted to get up and give her a hug. She looked so…broken. And my calming powers could only accomplish so much; the anguish she felt would still be trying to push to the front of her mind. I couldn't erase bad feelings; I could only push them aside.

But could I do it? Could I hold her close without losing control? It would be incredibly selfish to risk her life.

_Selfish_. That's what Edward always said of himself whenever we asked why he was never closer to Bella. And look where his "good intentions" had gotten us.

Bella's chocolate eyes, now shining with tears, made up my mind for me. I couldn't leave her alone in her misery.

I walked over to her with a questioning look in my eyes; I wouldn't touch her if she didn't want me to.

But all I felt from her was the sadness that always seemed to overwhelm her these days. No fear.

I wrapped my arms around her, and waited for her to run, to get nervous. In fact…I felt a sense of relaxation. Of calmness.

"Thank you Jasper," she said softly, before laughing slightly.

"What?"

I was intrigued. I wasn't a nervous laugh; she found something genuinely amusing. And she had laughed. A fantastic step to recovery. And…I had somehow caused it. This notion set my still heart soaring.

"Is this how you plan to cure all your patients? Hug Therapy?"

I chuckled, shaking my head. Only Bella could think of something like this.

"Of course. Haven't you ever heard? Hugs Not Drugs."

"So…you're not going to be a quack shrink?"

"Hardly. Anyone can give out drugs. It takes a rare person to give a hug as good as this."

She snorted. "All hail Jasper, King of The Hugs."

"…I should get that on a plaque."

A comfortable silence lapsed between us for a bit, and I was acutely aware of Bella still in my arms. She seemed so small, so…soft.

She sighed slightly, though I could sense only contentment behind her emotions, and leaned her head into me.

And then my timer rang.

The hour was up.

The noise shook us out of our reverie, and I made a mental note to just count the time in my head. It wouldn't be a distraction to me; my mind was able to handle several tracks of thought at once. My future patients might become alarmed at the sound of the alarm, and I didn't want to drive people further to the brink of insanity than they had been when they came in. The King of Hugs would not stand for it.

I released Bella, and reminded her that she still hadn't really spoken to me. That she would have to next time.

"Next time?"

"Well, you don't just go see a psychologist once, do you? It's a long and arduous process to be healed from non-insanity."

She appeared lost in though before responding with "I suppose it is, isn't it?"

"So, is Charlie picking you up here?"

She nodded her head in affirmation. "He should be in the reception area soon. Nice place you have, by the way."

"Thanks. You'd be amazed how fast you can get things done by flirting with desperate women three times your age. Well…a few centuries younger than my age, anyway."

I felt a pang of jealousy emanating from her, though it was gone so fast I might have imagined it. And Bella's face was revealing nothing, showing only a sort of vague smile. She shook her head slightly.

"Well, thanks for—for today."

"Not a problem."

She studied my face for a minute though, insatiably curious about something.

If it was possible for a vampire to feel self-conscious, I felt so now. "What? Am I covered in blood or something?" I inquired jokingly, trying to get her to tell me _why_ she was looking at me so intently.

"Hmm? Oh…I was just wondering…how do you plan on staying unrecognized? I mean, you can change your name, but wouldn't people recognize _you?_"

I laughed. "Bella, I'm Jasper's long lost third cousin, who happens to look nearly identical to him. And…maybe I'll go back to school. As Jasper, I mean. So as to not raise any suspicions."

She looked slightly more at ease, and I was touched at her concern.

"It's alright, Darlin'. Nobody will be any wiser."

She nodded again. "Well, I'd better go. I don't want Charlie thinking it to be a necessity for me to have extra time in therapy."

"I'm that bad? You wound me, Bella," I said mockingly.

She laughed again, a beautiful sound. Especially since it was me causing it. For the second time in an hour.

Hail Jasper, King of Hugs.

"Bye, Jasper," she called, as she walked out of the door.

I saw Charlie sitting down in one of the waiting room chairs, anxiety rippling off him, until Bella came up and greeted him. They got up and walked out; he'd already booked another appointment with the receptionist as I'd been with Bella.

It would be nice, to be able to see her every week. To be able to help her heal.

**A/N: Okay, updates are happening a little faster now. I hope. Well, I got it within the month, if only just. D:**

**THANKYOUFORYOURREVIEWS. I'm at 213, last I saw. :) You guys make my day. I very nearly squeed in joy. **

**aha, well. I did squee in joy. :p**

**ANYWAY. Review, and you shall be hugged. BY THE KING OF HUGS!  
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